If someone tries to guilt trip me into compromising with my plans so as to get me to do what they want, I would take a stand for myself. I understand that it can be difficult to say no to someone who is trying to make you feel guilty, but it is important to set boundaries and stand up for what you want.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to use my college fund to pay for my brother’s treatment?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


Sad wife looking at her ring after fight with husband
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

The Original Poster’s (OP’s) parents divorced when he was about 7 because his dad had admitted to having an affair. OP and his mom moved out of their house and into an apartment while his dad immediately moved his mistress into their house because she was pregnant with OP’s twin brothers.

What Did OP’s Mom Do After Getting Cheated?

Hispanic woman standing over pink background crazy and scared with hands on head, afraid and surprised of shock with open mouth
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP’s mom was devastated but she quickly picked herself up for them. She went back to school and as a result, she continued climbing up in her career. OP’s mom adjusted better to going from a double-income household to a single income and was able to contribute a substantial amount of money to OP’s college fund.

OP’s Dad’s Financial Distress

money wow man
Image Credit: Krakenimages.com, Shutterstock.

OP’s dad, on the other hand, had a harder time as he now has to support a family of (4 sometimes 5) on a single income as his wife is a SAHM. OP’s dad did not have much disposable income and so did not contribute as much to the fund.

OP is going to finish school soon, and he has a good shot at getting into his first choice of college.

The Unfortunate Turn Of Events

Young man with a problem crying
Image Credits: Marjan Apostolovic, Shutterstock

Unfortunately, OP’s brother [10M] was diagnosed with a kidney disease which has progressed to where he needs to be on dialysis. OP’s dad is drowning in medical debt so OP’s mom agreed he no longer needed to pay child support.

The Treatment & It’s Expenses

Female covering her mouth with her hand, isolated in white
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

The specialist had suggested a different treatment for OP’s brother as most other treatments didn’t help or stopped working and they are running out of options short of a transplant (not doable at this time).

This treatment is not covered by insurance and costs a lot. OP’s dad can’t take out a loan due to debt.

OP’s Dad’s Illicit Request

Wow, shock and discount with portrait of black woman and mockup for advertising, sale and deal. Creative, idea and omg with girl isolated on white background for announcement, secret or notification.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP’s dad and his wife sat him down when he was over and asked if he would be willing to let them borrow his college fund to pay off his brother’s treatment. They offered to pay the money back but OP knew they wouldn’t be able to.

What Does OP Say?

Smiling woman in gesture of asking over gray background.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“I really don’t want to give them the money because I know if I don’t get any scholarships, I wouldn’t be able to go to the college I want to without going into debt myself. My future would be at risk and I know my dad wouldn’t help if I needed it.

In addition, the money technically belongs to my mom, I can’t just give it away and I know she would refuse to give them the money. My dad and his wife are furious at both my mom and me and are trying to guilt me into it. I do feel terrible for my little brother. Am I a jerk?”, says OP.

Some More Context

angry scream man.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP later edited the post and added the following information:

“My dad does have a second job that he works on the weekend, and his wife home-schools the boys and is a full-time caregiver for my brother.

My dad’s family disowned him when the affair came to light. He did get some help from his brother and sister but they can only give so much, I do think I was his last option. His wife did not have a lot of family.

Lastly, of course, I would feel bad if something happened to my brother, he’s just a little kid, but I would want to help him with MY OWN money and I can only do that if I start my career debt free. I also don’t want to risk my own future.”

Now OP wants to know if what he is doing is wrong.

That Sounds Grossly Inappropriate

caucasian guy with red hair showing emotion terrible noise. handsome redheaded men wearing in casual t-shirt. Portrait ginger young caucasian man on grey background
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Not the jerk. The money isn’t yours, firstly. It was allocated by your mother for a specific thing.

You’re damn right you’re not getting the money back if you loan them. It was grossly inappropriate for our father to ask for money from you, who I presume is a minor.”

Tell Your Mom To Be The “Bad Guy”

confused woman 1
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“You have a lovely, understanding and clear-eyed view of this. He’d never pay you back and you’d be stuck under college debt for the next 20 years.

Ask your mom to be the bad guy. She can have her divorce attorney send a letter telling him the funds are hers to control and she’s not giving up years of her savings for him and his affair partner’s expenses. She can also tell him that she’ll take him to court to end his custody if he keeps trying to financially abuse a 17-year-old. That’s a bit of a feint since you could choose to go no contact at any point but it might shock him out of his behavior.”

That’s Your Mom’s Money!

Image Credits: Mix and Match Studio, Shutterstock

“That money is your Mom’s money that was set aside from her for your college. It was not meant to pay for her ex-husband’s kid’s treatments.

They call it a loan, but it is not. It will never be repaid and your MOM will be out thousands of dollars of her hard-earned money.

They need to come up with other sources, such as holding fundraisers (carwashes, yardsales, HoFundme, and BBQ do well in my area) or StepMom needs to work after Dad is off work so he can do childcare, or Dad needs a second job. They can also look into government aid or medical studies where treatment would be covered.”

More From Mrs Daaku Studio

Image Credits: Artazum, Shutterstock

Thrift stores and goodwill stores are great, but there are many weird instances of people finding things. Read – Goodwill Workers Share 16 “Weirdest” Things They’ve Ever Found, It’s Hilarious!

She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says It’s Inappropriate. Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?

Two sisters teenager fighting at home angry pulling long hair
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

Sisters can be difficult sometimes, and here is one case for you to judge. Read – She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says, “It’s Inappropriate.” Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?

Father Corrects Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of Questioning Authority

Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

Schools can act arbitrarily sometimes, and here is a case. Read how this Father Corrects the Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of ‘Questioning Authority’. Does This Make Sense?

He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and 401K, Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right

Portrait of an annoyed woman
Image Credit; Deposit Photos

He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and; 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right.Read more.

Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It, Is This Financial Abuse?

angry hatred
Image Credits: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock

Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It. Is This Financial Abuse? We think it is, but we need to hear from you. Read here.This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.

Similar Posts