The maternity ward is a place of joy and celebration, but it can also be a place of anxiety and stress. For many new grandparents, one of the biggest worries is what their grandchild will wear home from the hospital.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for being upset with the clothes my granddaughter wore on her way out of the maternity ward? We need to know your opinion on the matter.
Backstory:
The Original Poster says “I know it sounds silly, but I would like an outside opinion and accept any judgment.”
OP has 4 children and 5 grandchildren. For all of her grandchildren, OP made knitted clothes and hats for them to come out of the maternity ward.
How Did The Tradition Start?
It started with her first grandchild and all the ones that followed; OP’s kids asked her to do it. It is customary in OP’s country for clothes to be a certain color to represent something good (health, peace, and protection).
OP Doesn’t Do It Professionally
OP doesn’t do it professionally and she works, so it’s something she does in her spare time and it takes months because she does it with all the love and care.
OP says, “Nor do I force my children to accept it, most ask right after they announce the pregnancy if I can make the clothes.”
Pam’s Pregnancy & Her Wish
OP’s oldest daughter, she’ll call Pam, announced that she was pregnant and asked her to make it for her daughter (they found out later).”
Clearly, OP did, she chose the color red and honestly, it was one of the prettiest jobs she’s ever done and finished within 7 months of her pregnancy.
About 20 Days Ago
Pam gave birth about 20 days ago, OP’s granddaughter was born healthy, perfect and bright.
OP was heartbroken on the way out of the maternity ward when she found out that her granddaughter would not wear the clothes she made, but one that Pam got from her in-laws from a very expensive brand (like Gucci).
OP’s Vent
OP didn’t say anything to her, but in a conversation with her son, she just vented that she was heartbroken about it and that she wouldn’t have had any problems if Pam didn’t ask and OP didn’t do it in the sense of exposing her daughter or anything.
But just after OP’s son insisted on her talking because he realized that she was a little down, the word spread among OP’s children until it reached Pam in the form of a scolding for someone else.
Pam’s Reaction
Pam called OP angrily saying that she didn’t believe OP was jealous of her clothes and that her daughter could wear them at any time, but that OP decided to make this moment about her and not celebrate her granddaughter’s life.
OP says, “I’m lost, I’m just heartbroken that I’ve been making something so lovingly for months for a specific moment and not been told at any point that she wouldn’t use it. My family is divided, with some criticizing me and others on my side. Am I a jerk?”
Some More Context
“Yes, she asked to do this. I’ll give the context better and leave it to you. I stayed with her through delivery and the following 2 weeks. At their request, because my daughter was in pain from the c-section and my son-in-law was taking care of my granddaughter’s paperwork, I put the clothes on her.
There was a baby suitcase with the sets separated into packages and a label for what they were for. There was only one for leaving the maternity ward and there was that clothes (and nothing else), I even took a look at the suitcase and asked if it was that package, she confirmed that it was what had these clothes.
And no, I didn’t comment on anything while I was there, because she was really stressed, tired and didn’t need a comment like this. I didn’t comment with her and I just commented with my son, because it was an extremely personal Veng with no intention of reaching Pam but the word spread.”
Your Emotions Are Understandable
“Not the jerk. Everyone saying “There’s still time to wear the outfit” is missing the point. The outfit was for a specific event. If you had been asked to make a prom dress, and spent hours and hours of your free time making it, only for your daughter to wear a different dress to prom, no one would say “She can still wear it since another time”. Similar situation here.
While I agree that it would have been better that this news didn’t get to her from a third party, it’s understandable you aren’t as comfortable speaking with your daughter-in-law as you are with your son. This is how my family works: most often, my in-laws speak to my wife and my family speaks to me about issues.”
That’s EXTREMELY Selfish Of Her
“You are not the jerk. It’s extremely selfish to ask someone to make something handmade that takes ages of effort, refuse to use it choose a capitalistic designer brand instead and then get angry that you’re upset that your handmade item wasn’t used.
You are definitely not a jerk. She doesn’t know how lucky she is to have someone who makes this much of an effort. Seems like she’s the one focussed on what label the child is wearing, not you.”
You Were In The Right But She May Not Be Completely Wrong, Too
“No jerks here. Except for your son and whoever else was spreading this around. Your feelings are valid. You spent time and energy making something sentimental that she asked for. Of course, it’s hurtful that she didn’t use it in its intended traditional way. I still don’t think she’s a jerk because who knows what went into that decision. Maybe she felt guilted by how much her in-laws spent, figuring you’d be the more understanding one. Who knows.
Your son/whoever told her absolutely did not need to take what you told him to his newly postpartum sister who has enough going on between her own recovery and caring for a newborn. I’m not surprised she snapped.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.