Is it possible for a responsible partner to do all the chores after getting home from work, without any help from their partner? No, it’s not. A responsible partner should take an equal part in household chores to reduce the burden on both partners. Using ADHD as an excuse to avoid chores is not fair or acceptable.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for making a (very) childish chore chart for my boyfriend?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP ‘s) boyfriend (23m) recently moved in with her. OP says that he has ADHD, so noticing when things have to be done and doing them are a bit of a struggle for him.
OP sympathizes with it. But she realized it might be difficult.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
She admits it’s frustrating to come home at 8 pm only to find out she still needs to buy groceries and cook because he forgot. Or to want to do laundry, only to find out his wet laundry has been in the machine for four days. Or wanting a quick bowl of cereal for breakfast but having to skip it because he forgot to put the milk back in the fridge.
Also, having to do his chores/fix something he started is a daily occurrence.
THEY DISCUSSED IT ALREADY
OP says that when he moved in with her, they divided chores 50/50, OP let him pick the ones he liked, and OP did the rest.
WHAT OP’S BOYFRIEND SAY?
OP is frustrated because he’s not doing his part. They talked about it several times, but he always says he just forgets or doesn’t see it.
OP suggested he download an app that’ll send him reminders, but he thinks the reminders would only stress him out.
WHAT DID OP DO?
So OP made him a chore chart.
OP thought it was the most childish she ever did, with bright colors and smiley faces for completed tasks.
HOW DID OP’S BOYFRIEND REACT?
OP hung it up in the fridge. But OP’s boyfriend was angry about it.
He thinks OP was a jerk for humiliating him like this. OP says no one has seen the chart she created.
OP’S FINAL THOUGHTS ON THE SCENARIO
OP added that it wasn’t a first resort. She tried lists, notes, checklists, and apps, reminding him in person. If she reminds him when they are home, he’ll say ‘later’; if she reminds him again, he still says later.
OP did the dishes that were soaking in the sink for five days, and he’ll get mad at her because ‘he was just about to get to that.’
OP also says that he also doesn’t seem to struggle with remembering things or completing tasks at work.
HE IS USING ADHD AS AN EXCUSE
“People use ADHD to excuse any kind of behavior. I have ADHD, and I can remember to finish laundry and grocery shop and all kinds of things. Nip this in the bud. You shouldn’t have to be responsible for everything because he can’t remember.
Think long and hard about the future- are you going to marry and have kids with him? You’ll be juggling everything then alone or having to follow him around telling him what to do.”
HE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
“Not a jerk! I’m so sick and tired of people using their ADHD as an excuse to be slob! I also have ADHD, and lists and charts are my whole life! Because if I don’t, I WILL FORGET!
He might be mad cause he’s been lazy and used to getting away with using his ADHD as an excuse. I know cause I’ve been there as well when I was in my 20’s, but he’s gotta grow up and take responsibility sometimes.”
HE WANTS YOU TO DO EVERYTHING
“Not a jerk. He clearly just wants you to do everything with no changes on his part. You could have made the most professional adult chore chart in existence, and he’d find a way to call it emasculating because he doesn’t want to do anything, period.
It’s so funny to me it’s emasculating to make the chore chart cute but not manipulative and “mothering” you when he doesn’t do his fair share of the housekeeping. He’s doing a great job of reversing victim and offender.
Personally, I’d break up and move out. Emotionally immature people take years and years to change, if ever. I heavily doubt he’s going to grow up in time to be the partner you deserve.”
HE IS HUMILIATING HIMSELF
“Not a jerk.
He’s humiliating himself by not managing his condition’s impact on you.”
A CHORES CHART MAKES LIFE EASIER
“Not a jerk. Diagnosed with ADHD.
I would *love* a chore chart like this. It would make my life so much easier, even more so since someone else made it!
I understand him getting stressed out by the “amount” of chores that need doing, but come on. If I forget to do a very important chore (e.g. buy groceries and cook dinner) you know what I would do when someone reminded me? I would apologise profusely and do it!
OP, when you remind your BF that he hasn’t done a certain chore (that you already asked him to do), does he do it then/apologize/do it within the next hour? How does he rectify his mistake?”
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
Thrift stores and goodwill stores are great, but there are many weird instances of people finding things. Read – Goodwill Workers Share 16 “Weirdest” Things They’ve Ever Found, It’s Hilarious!
She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says It’s Inappropriate. Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
Sisters can be difficult sometimes, and here is one case for you to judge. Read – She Demands Her Sister Stop Wearing Silk Nightgowns. Says, “It’s Inappropriate.” Should She Just Stop Wearing Them?
Father Corrects Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of Questioning Authority
Schools can act arbitrarily sometimes, and here is a case. Read how this Father Corrects the Teacher’s Pronunciation of Daughter’s Name, School Accuses Him of ‘Questioning Authority’. Does This Make Sense?
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and 401K, Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right
He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance and; 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right.Read more.
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It, Is This Financial Abuse?
Woman Cancels Credit Card After Boyfriend REFUSES to Return It. Is This Financial Abuse? We think it is, but we need to hear from you. Read here.
This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.