A user asked the forum, “Am I the jerk for ditching a guy at a music festival?”. Read on to understand the entire episode.
BACK STORY
The original poster, OP (33F) was dating a guy (32M) for about six weeks, at certain points tumultuous during that time. She had planned to go to a music festival with her friends in Napa independently.
WHAT DID HER BOYFRIEND ASK?
The previous day, her boyfriend said he got a last-minute ticket with some friends and asked if he could stay with OP; and she agreed to it.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
OP says that on the day of the concert, they were in touch, and she was excited for him to meet her friends.
She told him where they were camped out at the festival so he could join, but he was stuck with his friends and never met up with them.
7 HOURS LATER
Fast forward 6-7 hours and her boyfriend still has not tried to find them. During the very last performance (it was dark and cold at this point), her boyfriend finally texts that he wants to meet up.
At this point, some of her friends had already left (they had given up on meeting this guy), and the rest of them were getting ready to leave.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
OP texted back to her boyfriend, saying to just stick with his friends (she was angry at this point and felt like he had no interest in actually hanging out and solely using her for a place to crash. She didn’t want to even see him at this point, let alone spend the night together).
WHAT DID HER BOYFRIEND SAY?
Her boyfriend immediately responds, saying he needs a place to stay and he can’t stay with his friends, and that he is “confused.”
OP says that the concert is a bit over an hour’s drive from where they live, so worst case scenario, it’s an Uber back.
YOU ARE NOT A JERK
He wanted to use you for a place to crash, and that’s it.”
HE WAS PRETTY CLEAR WITH HIS PLANS
“But in his defense, it seems like he made that perfectly clear when he asked to “stay with her” and not “go to the festival with her.”
It seems like his plan from the start was to attend with his own friends and then have “afters” and stay at OP’s place.
I get that his plan is “using her” in some respects but considering the circumstances (they’re dating casually but not in a relationship), it doesn’t feel that out of the ordinary, and he certainly didn’t insinuate any plans to spend the festival with her.
To me, this comes off like a pretty clear case of a ‘situation’ where both parties have a different idea of how casual/serious it is.”
THERE ARE RED FLAGS
“Not a jerk. He was just trying to use you for a free ride, free accommodations, and maybe a little, you know.
If he had good intentions and was a good person, he would have tried meeting up with you over several hours. Someone who is over 30 should be able to do better.
Red flags here – run.”
IT IS NOT FAIR
“Going against the grain and saying not a jerk.
I would expect someone I’m dating to actually spend time with me at the same festival we’re attending, especially if we’re going to stay with each other for the night.
It’s rude just to blow off your significant other and use them for housing.”
YOU ASSUMED IT AND NOT COMMUNICATED WELL
“You are a jerk. He ASKED if he could stay with you after the concert. You agreed.
You ASSUMED that he would meet you and your friends there. You DIDN’T communicate that to him. You sent him your location at a big concert, but didn’t communicate that meeting him is important to you.
Then you were angry he didn’t do the things YOU wanted in your HEAD but didn’t COMMUNICATE. Because of this, you broke the agreement for him to stay with you. The guy dodged a bullet.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.