No matter how difficult the situation, it is never okay to say harsh words to someone on their special day. Such words can shatter a beautiful relationship, leaving scars that may never fully heal.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for canceling my 35f best friend’s 36f birthday party at the last minute?”. Read the complete story to know what happened.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (35f) has two children (5m and 3f) and a baby who is only 16 weeks old. She says that her first two pregnancies have gone quite smoothly, with a few bumps on the way but not many problems.
A TOUGH PREGNANCY
But her third pregnancy was really tough as she got diagnosed with preeclampsia, put on bed rest for six weeks, and had an emergency C-section, during which both she and the baby almost died.
She stayed in the hospital for longer than two weeks before she was deemed healthy enough to be released.
HOW DID HER HUSBAND HELP?
Her husband has been beside her in the delivery room all three times and does most of the chores and takes care of the kids while she recovers and makes sure she has everything she needs.
THEY SAVED MONEY
She says that she has saved more than enough money from both of their jobs to have the ability to afford to stay at home for as long as is needed.
HER BEST FRIEND
Her best friend (they call her Ashley) has been her BFF since elementary school.
She says that they have never missed each other’s birthdays, no matter what was going on in their lives or how far apart they were.
She says that her friend also was aware of her troubles.
SHE WAS FEELING LOW
The previous day was her friend’s birthday. In the morning, she was feeling below par, and she was too tired to get out of bed, so her husband took care of all the kids and helped her shower like he did 100x before during her pregnancies and postpartum.
OP says that around 2 p.m., she was feeling a little better but was still worn out, so she called Ashley.
SHE TRIED HER BEST TO ATTEND HER FRIEND’S BIRTHDAY
She says her friend’s birthday party was scheduled for 3 pm, and she was supposed to arrive at 2:30 pm. She says that she waited until 2 pm because she knew how important her birthday was, and she hoped that she would feel good enough to come over.
WHAT DID SHE TELL HER FRIEND?
OP told her friend, “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to come to your birthday party because I’m not feeling well.”
WHAT WAS HER FRIEND’S REACTION?
Her friend asked what was wrong, and she told her that she was exhausted and there was no way she could be at her party.
OP says that she literally heard her sigh angrily, and she said, “But what about our promise? I broke my arm while racing and still traveled 1000 miles for your birthday, but you can’t drive 20 miles to see me? If your fat body can reach the grocery store, then you would come here if you actually cared”.
OP WAS HARSH
OP says that’s when she became mad and told her, “Well, if you had kids, then you would understand,” and that’s when she said some harsh words and hung up. (That wasn’t the entire conversation).
WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?
She says that some might think, “What’s so bad about saying that if you had kids?”.
She added that Ashley couldn’t get pregnant due to an incident that happened during their younger college days, and the topic is very sensitive for her, so she said that was extremely vile.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
This morning, OP woke up feeling much better, and she attempted to contact Ashley so she could apologize, but she wouldn’t pick up and ignored all her text messages.
WHAT WAS HER HUSBAND’S SUGGESTION
Her husband said that she shouldn’t apologize because if she were a real friend, she would have shown concern and worry instead of anger and the attitude of a brat, so she deserved her comeback, but she felt so guilty for bringing up her inability to have kids, and she feels like such a jerk for doing so. She asks if she is a jerk.
YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE THROWN HER INFERTILITY IN HER FACE
“Of course, it’s okay not to go if you’re unwell. But you didn’t need to be a jerk and throw her infertility in her face.”
IT IS COMPLETE STUPIDITY
“First of all, it’s a stupid pact that made no accommodations for adult life situations. Although, if you were still having problems getting out of bed or showering on your own four months postpartum, I hope you are under a doctor’s care.
You waited until the last minute to tell her you weren’t coming. if you have consistently been this weak, you should’ve warned her days or weeks ago.
Her comment was unkind, but your comment was downright cruel.”
IT IS UNFAIR
“She drove 100 miles [update based on comment: traveled 1000 miles!!] to you on your birthday with a broken arm. You had your 3rd child four months ago — this is your new normal, and you know exactly what it involves.
Yet you couldn’t drive 20 miles on her birthday, cancel earlier, offer an alternative to celebrate with her, or even keep your mouth shut about her infertility on her actual birthday. I hope she keeps you blocked.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.