Imagine not working because of ‘constipation’ and relying on your ex and kids for money! Then, get upset when your ex makes a sarcastic remark. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for showing ‘everybody’ what my ex wrote on his final check to me?”.
Here’s the full story for your context.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (51F) divorced her ex-husband (53M) 7 years ago. They were married for 14 years and had three kids together (24M, 22F, 18F).
OP was a stay-at-home mother, and she suffered from constipation. While doctors say it isn’t Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), it has made her suffer from joint and back pain when she eats things like dairy or other food sensitivities.
“We live in New Jersey, and the judge made it so that child support and alimony would both end at the same time.”, says OP.
THROWBACK TO OP’S MARITAL PROBLEMS
According to OP, she had a lot of issues in her marriage, but at the very least, she has three great kids whom she loves and who love her. Her ex-husband has been very bitter, saying OP should have wanted counseling even though she was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.
“He also discredited my want to divorce by saying I was acting out of emotion and asked me to take a step back and think, as if I haven’t been thinking before.”, says OP.
THE WORKAHOLIC EX & THE ELDER KIDS
Her ex-husband was always working 12-hour days and overtime, and she took care of and gave the kids what they needed. OP’s son has graduated college and is a genius. He has an app development company and makes more than OP and her ex-husband could ever dream of making in a year.
OP’s 22-year-old daughter has a degree in nursing and is marrying, and her fiance comes from well off family, so she’s set as well.
OP’S SUFFERING HEALTH-WISE
However, as for OP, she’s been suffering from menopause and back aches, and a lot of the entry-level jobs that would hire her would leave her in pain and exhausted.
“That hasn’t stopped my ex-husband from griping and dismissing my real pains.”, says OP.
LONG STORY SHORT
Long story short, OP’s ex sent her last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote, “Freedom – good luck then.” OP feels it was such a mockery of the health issues OP has suffered and all she’s put into the family.
“I showed my friends, and they agreed he’s still a blunt, daft individual. My 18-year-old was there, and she said she couldn’t believe he thought that way of her.”, says OP.
WHEN KIDS FOUND OUT
Then OP’s older kids found out through screenshots, and because of OP’s health issues, her son has been sending her $3k a month while her ex-husband sends her $2.5k plus what’s needed for their youngest daughter.
Her son spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resented the fact OP’s ex-husband proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only two years.
“He called his dad names and said he and my 22-year-old daughter would always help me out. He had been saying he would just make up what I’d lost from my ex-husband because he could afford $5.5k, but son told me my ex-husband told him to save his money and only send me under $2k.”, says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Her ex-husband is now backtracking and saying he only wrote it on OP’s check, but the kids are not amused. He invited them to his wedding, but OP’s 22-year-old daughter said she might be better off just focusing on her own wedding and that she’d help OP out, too, if she (OP) needed it.
“Am I a jerk for blasting him when he clearly wrote it to be seen? He’s always painted me as the greedy ex-wife, it seems.”, says OP.
YOU’RE THE JERK FOR SURE
“You’re the jerk for sure. Your husband worked himself into depression to ensure you and his children were cared for. Your response was to divorce him rather than support him. Now, since you have no skills outside of whining about money, you need to mooch off of your children.
You had a hardworking husband who gave all he had, and now he seems to have found someone who appreciates that. I hope he’s found happiness and you learn from your mistakes. At your age, you’re about to find out the men who can take care of you are being cared for by younger, more attractive women.”
YOU’RE UNBELIEVABLE
“Good, he stepped squarely on a landmine. I couldn’t imagine working twelve hours plus overtime, supporting my wife through her poop problems, just to have her turn around and divorce me, fully aware that I’m clinically depressed.
On top of that, she takes credit for their kids’ careers because she was a stay-at-home mom while he sacrificed all of his time working to support the entire household. $5.5k a month, you are one expensive, overgrown child.”
SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE THE PROBLEM
“He worked 12 hours daily and added overtime (probably weekends?). It sounds like he did his fair share to provide, so much so that he fell into depression doing it. Meanwhile, you had some stomach issues and ‘gave the kids what they needed’ using the money he worked too hard to provide.
I would’ve advocated for counseling, too, if I were him. It sounds like he cared about his family, and you were the problem. Then, you turned his kids against him. Massively, you’re the jerk.”
LEARN TO LIVE THAT WAY
“You’re the jerk for taking so much money from your kids and trying to turn them against their dad. Get a job, avoid dairy, and live with menopause. People do it every day.”
KEEP YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF IT
“You’re the jerk. Keep your children out of it. Being civil and friendly with your ex-husband is a gift you can give to your children. Stop taking money from your children. You can get a job even with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.