How would you respond if your child argued back against every parenting decision you made? An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for forcing my daughter to return what she stole, on her birthday?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
So Original Poster (OP) took their 13-year-old daughter to the mall for her birthday with a few of her friends. OP doesn’t particularly. Like her friends, but that’s irrelevant.
What Happened Next
Anyway, they were having fun. They bought some makeup and tried on clothes; OP bought them a couple of outfits each, but nothing super expensive. Then OP noticed their daughter pocketing a lip gloss.
“I got really mad (usually I don’t get mad) and I asked her in a pretty loud voice what she was doing.”, says OP.
The Public Shaming Scenario
OP’s daughter said nothing, and OP made her turn out her pockets, and then they made her return it and apologize. A lot of people in the store were watching, and so were OP’s daughter’s friends.
“Luckily, the store people didn’t make it a huge deal and we left. We went home straight away after that, and after we dropped off her friends, my daughter was really angry with me.”, says OP.
OP’s Daughter’s Rants
OP’s daughter said OP ruined her birthday and that OP could have scolded her for stealing the lip gloss later when they were alone. She said it didn’t really matter that much and now her friends would tell everyone, and they’d all look down on her.
Did OP Handle The Situation Well Enough?
“I remember middle school and how awful it used to be. She might lose friends over this. Am I the jerk for not handling it in a quieter way?”, asks OP.
She Has No One To Blame But Herself
“Your 13-year-old scolded YOU for parenting her when SHE was stealing right in front of you?!
I would tell her she’s in trouble for stealing and for how she’s behaving. She has no one to blame but herself.”
SHE Ruined Her Own Birthday
“Not the jerk, you didn’t ruin her birthday – SHE ruined her own birthday by stealing, her friends might tell everyone she is a thief and they might look down on her for that and she has learned a very important message DON’T STEAL.
If a security guard had caught her instead of you there would have been a different outcome, you handled this perfectly, you made a scene and made her return the item and apologize in front of her friends, she might be angry and a bit embarrassed right now but she has just found out that this behavior is unacceptable.”
Public Shaming Is Indeed Effective
“Not the jerk. Store likely didn’t kick up a fuss because you were a parent actually watching their kid who called them out when they stole. You did the hard part for them and public shaming is way more effective than anything they could do.
Your daughter got some nerve to not only steal but to also do it in front of a parent.”
Birthday Is No Excuse For Shoplifting
“Not the jerk. Birthday girls don’t get a free pass on shoplifting. If she was that afraid of what her friends would say/think, she shouldn’t have shoplifted while she was with them (which could have led to their getting in trouble too).
Your daughter’s behavior and response make me think that this probably wasn’t her first time doing this and that you probably can’t blame this on the influence of her friends. If I were you, I’d be scrutinizing what’s going on with her.”
You Took The Appropriate Action
“Not the jerk. Your daughter was stealing and you took the appropriate action. The only person your daughter should be mad at or embarrassed by is herself. She’s lucky it was you and not store security or police.”
It Should Serve As A Lifelong Reminder
“You did exactly what a parent should do and taught her a valuable lesson. If she feels shame, she should. It should serve as a lifelong reminder to her to not be a thief.”
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