Is using your connections to get a supposedly unfair advantage over others okay, according to you? A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for only pulling strings for my daughter’s college application and not my girlfriend’s son?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) daughter and his girlfriend’s son are both heading out to college next year and are sending out applications this year.
OP DECIDED TO HELP HIS DAUGHTER
To help his daughter have an advantage, OP decided to try and pull some strings for her letters of recommendation and called up his mom and dad.
OP REQUESTED HIS DAD
His (OP’s) dad is a reasonably high-level politician back in his home country. So, OP asked him if he could pull some strings and see if he could get a letter of recommendation from the Prime Minister’s office because that would set OP’s daughter’s application apart from the rest.
THE CONFLICT BEGAN
So, the conflict started when OP returned with a letter of recommendation, and his girlfriend asked if he could do the same for her son.
OP REFUSED
OP refused because he thought it would be peculiar to pull that sort of favor when she doesn’t have a direct relation to any of the people involved after OP had already asked once.
“She got mad at me about this and started sulking for the past week or so,” says OP.
Is OP the jerk?
YOUR GIRLFRIEND ISN’T AS CLOSE TO ASKING FOR A BLESSING
“Not the jerk. The whole point of a recommendation letter is that it’s written by someone the person knows or by someone whose word will help the process. It doesn’t matter how it was written as long as it was in good faith.
Given that you are calling her your girlfriend, it is enough that she is not closely related enough to you or your family to ask favors from your family. The letter was a favor to you from your dad, not a right, and your girlfriend isn’t as close to asking for a blessing.”
HER SON HAS NO CONNECTION TO YOUR PARENTS
“Not the jerk. Networking is a major aspect of college, internships, and jobs in general. If you have those networking opportunities, be it called nepotism or not, I say use it when you can.
But your girlfriend can’t expect you to pull those same strings for her son when you use family connections to do this. You guys are dating unmarried, and her son has no connection to your parents.”
IT IS WHAT IT IS
“Not the jerk. It isn’t your fault that your kid can get an unfair advantage; you might as well use it because, whatever. Using it for your girlfriend’s kid would be weird.”
EVERYONE ISN’T ENTITLED TO THE SAME THING
“Not the jerk. I don’t think your dad will pull strings for your girlfriend’s child but will for their grandchild. Everyone isn’t entitled to the same thing.”
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG
“Not the jerk. You tapped family connections to help your family. Your girlfriend’s son isn’t even related to you. There is also an element of risk when you pull these strings; if your daughter did something that reflected poorly on your family, it has real-life consequences. Extending that risk to your girlfriend’s son isn’t worth the risk.”
THERE SHOULD BE NO EXPECTATION
“Not the jerk. She can be mad, but you’re not married. He isn’t your son. There should be no expectation that you’d pull that big of a favor for either of them, and I can’t fathom how awkward it would be to ask for the same favor twice for a kid you barely know.”
IT’S INCREDIBLY ODD TO PULL THAT TWICE
“I can see why she’s upset. I probably would be a little bummed out myself, but I wouldn’t be holding that against you. It’s incredibly odd to pull that twice, especially with someone not directly related to the person you’re asking for a favor from.
If he were your stepson and had met more of your family/been involved with them for a more extended period, then you could have been a jerk.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.