Surprise weddings can be a romantic gesture, but they’re not for everyone. In fact, some brides find themselves angry on their surprise wedding day. A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for leaving my surprise wedding because I felt blindsided? We want to hear your thoughts.
Backstory
Last week, the Original Poster (OP) (30F) was invited to a supposedly fancy party by her longtime boyfriend, Mark (32M). They had been dating for five years, and while they had discussed marriage before, there were no immediate plans for a wedding.
OP’s Entry In Her ‘Own’ Surprise Wedding
Excited about the event, OP dressed up in her best attire and arrived at the designated venue. As OP entered the grand hall, she was completely taken aback to see all of their family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting.
What Was It
It turns out, Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for them without OP’s knowledge. Everyone erupted into applause as OP stood there, shocked and overwhelmed. OP just felt a mix of emotions.
OP says, “While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust.”
OP Expresses Her Concerns
So, OP pulled Mark aside and tried to express her concerns and reservations about the surprise wedding. OP explained that she wanted a say in the planning process, to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in their lives.
However, Mark dismissed OP’s concerns, saying that he thought it would be a romantic gesture and that OP would be thrilled.
The Dilemma OP Faced
OP says, “At that moment, I faced a difficult choice: go along with the surprise wedding, putting on a smile despite feeling unsettled, or stand up for my autonomy and voice my true feelings.
I ultimately made the decision not to proceed with the surprise wedding, much to the disappointment and confusion of our guests.”
What Does Everyone Else Think?
Now, OP finds herself at odds with Mark, their families, and even some of their friends who believe she overreacted and spoiled a beautiful moment. However, OP firmly believes that a marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations.
Everyone’s excuse for this is that OP has always talked about marrying Mark. And again the problem for OP isn’t marrying him, the problem is not having any say in her wedding.
Mark thought she’d appreciate it because she always spoke about how stressful planning a wedding must be. Yes, OP thinks it’s stressful, it is but she’d still like planning one!
What Next?
After this whole ordeal, everyone asked if Mark and OP were ending things, to which she replied no.
OP says, “I emphasized towards them and Mark I still wanted to marry him, and most feel like this is making me more of a jerk since I just wasted a perfectly fine wedding. So, Am I a jerk for refusing to attend my own surprise wedding, even though it was intended as a romantic gesture?”
Weddings Shouldn’t Be A Surprise To Those Who Are Getting Married
“Not the jerk – Weddings shouldn’t be a surprise to those who are getting married and while romantic gestures are awesome the best romantic gestures don’t include one partner deciding they know best when it’s something that directly affects both. Communication is the best romantic gesture.”
Sadly, He Very Much Missed The Mark
“No jerks here. Based on your post he could assume that you would think it is sweet, but sadly he very much missed the mark (no pun intended).
I hope you both have fun planning the actual wedding and can someday look back on this and laugh. Best wishes.”
This Can Give Anyone Anxiety
“This gave me anxiety feelings to read—my stomach honestly clenched up at your description of what you walked into. Horrific. I’m glad you said no!
Mark is the jerk because *anybody* should know better.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.