When your boyfriend judges your choices, it can be hurtful and confusing. You may wonder why he doesn’t support you or feels the need to criticize you.
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my girlfriend her home decor is why I won’t host a work gathering at her place?”. We’d like to know your thoughts on this one.
Backstory
Original Poster: OP (M32) has been with his girlfriend (F29) for over a year now. She’s smart, funny, a bit quirky, and has a serious job with a good salary. OP and his girlfriend have a great time together and generally get along very well.
OP says, “The only thing is her choice in home ‘decor’ is bizarre, to put it frankly, and not something you think a normal, grown adult would be into.”
Sneak Peek Into OP’s Girlfriend’s Apartment
OP’s girlfriend’s apartment is definitely a reflection of herself and her interests.
“Not in the best way, though,” OP says.
OP’s girlfriend has a wall dedicated to animation in one room of her apartment, like Futurama pieces and etchings of some weird triangle guy. Then there’s the wall of framed preserved insects in another room. But not insects like butterflies or moths. Instead, she displays tarantulas, beetles, and giant stick insects.
Her bathroom has a subtle theme of the ocean – pretty common. But instead of starfish or shells, she has a little anglerfish nightlight, a small vampiric squid painting, and then a framed diagram of what apparently is a Goblin Shark right by the toilet.
OP’s Views On Her Home Decor
OP would say a majority of her home decor and furnishings are okay.
The apartment itself is very modern and sleek. It’s just the random decor and juvenile-ish themes, like cartoons, insects, and bizarre ocean creatures, are off-putting.
OP’s Hesitation In Bringing People Over To Her Place
This is where OP thinks he might be the jerk.
OP avoids bringing people over to her place, especially people from his job, because of how juvenile it looks. Everyone’s impressed when they see the high rise, but that quickly fades once you enter.
The one-time OP brought a work colleague over. They ended up telling him after that they found her insect wall terrifying. OP works in finance, and appearances and first impressions are essential.
The Problem
OP’s office would hold casual gatherings where they get together for a few drinks and good food, and they rotate hosts, and this time, it’s OP’s turn.
The problem is that OP’s place is under some construction and not ideal right now, so he’s been staying with his girlfriend. OP’s girlfriend suggested that they host his colleagues at her place since she has the space and thinks it’ll be fun.
And The Fight Begins
OP told her he planned on skipping his rotation and seeing if the next person would be okay with hosting early.
She kept pressing on why OP didn’t want them over there, so he finally said it was because her home decor is strange and not something a grown woman would have, and also that her insect wall horrified the one colleague that did come over.
My girlfriend got mad and said at the end of the day, it’s not my space and these things bring her joy. She also said that she is indeed an adult woman, which is exactly why her apartment is decorated in such a manner.
OP’s Introspection
“I love my girlfriend, I do. And it’s okay to have different interests. But does an adult really need to decorate with them besides a few things here and there?
I mean, my own mother asked if my girlfriend was autistic after she saw the entire apartment for the first time. So, Am I a jerk for telling my girlfriend her home decor is the reason I won’t host a work gathering at her place?” Asks OP.
You’re Being Judgemental
“You’re the jerk. So you don’t like her interests. You don’t have to be judgemental about it. Your only experience bringing someone over they were “terrified” of the insect display.
So this one person and your own distaste have convinced you that everyone would be terrified??
You don’t need to bring your work colleagues over, but if you look down on your GF because of her interests and how she chooses to decorate, maybe you shouldn’t be with her.”
She Sounds Great
“Yeah, you don’t really love her. If you did, you would rejoice in these FANTASTIC examples of her quirkiness. She sounds *great*.
You’re the jerk because you’re pretending to love this woman but you secretly look down on her and feel superior.
Break up with her and let her find someone who will cherish her awesomeness.”
You’re Gatekeeping Adulthood!
“I hate people who gatekeep adulthood. They’re stuffy and boring and have no sense of whimsy.
Why do people have to give up the stuff they enjoy just because they reach an arbitrary age that makes them an adult? That’s not right. Love what you love and celebrate it until the day you die!
And the triangle dude is almost certainly Bill Cipher.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.