It’s essential to respect your hosts, even if they’re family. Yelling them to make dinner is not only rude, but it’s also likely to make them feel uncomfortable and resentful.
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for yelling at my brother-in-law after he woke me up and told me to make dinner while we were staying at his house?”. We need you to find out.
Backstory:
The Original Poster, OP (39F), her husband Tom (37M), and 2 sons (12M) were recently in a house fire and lost their home but luckily they were all out of the house when this happened.
Tom’s brother Sean (40m) and his wife agreed to let them stay at his place with their kids while they sort out insurance.
A Little Throwback About OP’s Relationship With Sean
OP doesn’t like Sean as he believes in traditional gender roles in a household. They have had issues since he realized OP would keep her maiden name at work, which she told him was none of his business or her personal choice.
A Little Bit More
He works full-time, and his wife is a housewife. When they had their sons, Sean thought OP would quit her job as a doctor and become a SAHM.
However, Tom became an SAHD instead and then went back to work after their son went to school and didn’t share the same thought process as Sean. Sean disproves of this, and OP vocalizes his thoughts about the situation.
When Tom Stepped Up For OP’s Rights
OP got Tom to speak to Sean, and he has left them alone since but occasionally used to make comments at holidays and birthdays about it, which OP ignored. They stopped when Tom returned to work, and since then, Tom says Sean has grown as a person.
Tom and Sean Are Close
Tom and Sean are very close, and OP would never tell Tom to stop talking to him, but she interacts as little as possible with Sean. OP’s sons’ school and Tom’s workplace are within walking distance from Sean’s house, which is why she agreed to stay and swallow it up while they get back on their feet, as it is temporary.
What Happened Yesterday?
Yesterday was a very hectic day at work, and OP was exhausted. OP’s shift ended at midday, and she went straight to bed. Everyone was out of the house; Sean and Tom went to work, the kids were at school, and Sean’s wife went to see a friend.
Sean Woke OP Up
Sean got home first and woke OP up. OP was upset and still tired, and when she asked him why, he said she should make a start on dinner as it was getting late and his wife was out and not picking up her phone.
Usually, OP does the cooking in the house with Sean’s wife, but she was upset that Sean had woken her up, and she yelled at him to not disturb her. OP kicked him out of the room and told him she would go back sleep and he could sort out his own dinner.
What Happened When OP Woke Up That Evening?
When OP woke up that evening, Sean told her that while she was under his house OP needed to respect his house rules. OP told him he could’ve cooked himself, heated leftovers in the fridge or got takeaway.
Tom thinks that Sean did overstep by waking OP up and making demands, but she shouldn’t have yelled and escalated the situation. Now OP wants to know if this is wrong?
That’s mind-blowing ridiculous!
“Wow. A fully capable adult wakes up another adult to get her to make dinner for him. That’s so mind-blowingly rude and ridiculous.
I really wanted to say something about how if you could have been calmer, that would have been better, but I just can’t imagine how you could get pulled out of sleep and \*calmly\* explain to this walking anachronism that he’s capable of using a microwave.
You’re just 100%, not the jerk.”
Get Your Insurance Sorted Quickly
“Not the jerk, and something tells me Sean has been waiting for something like this to happen for years so that he can try to ‘put you in your place’. Hopefully, you get the insurance sorted quickly, and Sean learns to shut that stuff he calls a mouth.”
What He Did Was Messed Up
“I’m more surprised you aren’t calling him out for entering your room while sleeping. Also, you aren’t living under his rule; you were offered space as guests. That does not include making your brother-in-law dinner. IF ANYTHING THEY SHOULD BE MAKING IT FOR YOU.
I’m sorry your house burnt down. That’s truly terrible. I hope insurance sorts itself quickly and you can move out again.
Honestly, I’m not the jerk for yelling also as they entered the room you were sleeping in. That is messed up.”
Looks Like Sean Had A Bigger Plan
“Seems to me like Sean didn’t take you in out of the goodness of his heart, he took you in so he could have a second servant.”
What ‘Exactly’ Are The Rules?
“The ‘rules’ of his house are what, exactly? That while you’re there you have to be his little house servant and must attend to him whenever he demands it of you? Your husband needs to step in and put a stop to this asap. You are not his brother’s second wife and it’s super weird that he expects you to fulfil that role.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.