Some parents are just so overprotective and blinded by love that they find it extremely difficult to realize there is actually something wrong with their child.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my sister it’s her fault her son is being ‘bullied’?”. We want to hear your thoughts on the matter!
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) (26F) sister (33F) has 2 sons: Bracken (13M) and Neville (11M).
OP and her husband (24M) went to a basket raffle at their local library this past weekend, with OP’s sister, Bracken, Neville, Bracken’s girlfriend (13F), and OP’s sister’s husband (33M).
A Bit About The Raffle
This raffle is held every year and has many local businesses and organizations donate baskets to help raise funds for the library. There are all sorts of baskets from free messages to gift cards to sports jerseys and so much more.
What Happened At The Raffle?
Bracken got some tickets for all of the sports-related ones, he plays baseball and has done this every year, and he’s been pretty successful in the past. Bracken then went around with his GF.
OP was hanging out with her husband, sister, and the rest of the family while looking at the baskets when Bracken and his GF came back to them.
The Science-y Baskets & The Idiotic Comments
Shortly after this, while still looking at the baskets, they saw some science-y baskets, with projects and books for kids and adults. This type of stuff is what Neville likes. It was going fine until, in that section, they had a few baskets that were aimed at girls in science/STEM
Neville Called Them Stupid
When Neville saw the baskets, he called them stupid and started making some pretty awful comments about how girls are “too dumb” for science, and that’s why they needed unique baskets.
He made some more comments like, “This is why the robotics club is all boys”.
OP and Her Husband Dismissed It
OP and her husband just dismissed it, but they could see a few people giving them looks, and Bracken made a comment telling Neville to shut his mouth.
“The raffle happened, Bracken won a lot, but the rest of them didn’t. On the car ride home, my husband and I were asking each other where Neville could have learned that language, and they were stumped.”, says OP.
Fast Forward To Last Night
Last night, OP got a call from her sister, and she seemed stressed. She told OP about how horrible Neville’s first month of middle school was. She was telling OP he was being targeted and bullied.
Explaination
OP asked her to explain what happened, and she was just crying. OP asked if she could give the phone to someone else. She gave it to Bracken, who told them she wasn’t telling the truth. He said that kids were mocking Neville for what he said at the raffle.
Bracken admitted he was telling his friends about it, who then spread it around to the 6th graders.
Some of the kids in Neville’s grade were calling him names and doing it to his friends as well, who defended his comments. OP’s sister quickly grabbed the phone from him after.
Where OP Thinks She Might Be The Jerk?
After she calmed down, OP’s sister asked OP what to do. OP told her that this was on her and her fault for not correcting Neville’s behavior.
She said that she didn’t know why he said it, and said that she “can’t just take away his phone or friends” when OP mentioned both as a possible source.
The Final Fuss
“She just doubled down and said she needed to ‘teach Bracken and his friends not to gossip’. I told her she was being ridiculous and hung up. She tried calling back, I didn’t pick up, then I got angry texts”, says OP.
Is OP a jerk?
Your Sister’s Negligence Will Worsen Everything
“Not the jerk. Neville played stupid games and won stupid prizes. BTW, your sister’s negligence will make things worse in the future for him if they don’t nip this in the bud. Plus she’s backwards for punishing her other son while he was being forthcoming to you on what’s been happening with his brother at school.
Looks to me that your sister has no resolve to make tough decisions on parenting (i.e. taking his phone away). No accountability. These are the makings of bullying all over.”
You All Messed Up Big Time
“Everyone’s in the wrong. You should have called out his comments immediately. Why would you just blow them off? You just allowed your nephew to act like a little jerk and stood by doing nothing.
You left a child to correct his behavior. Your sister is a jerk for blaming her other son for this reaction. The only one who’s not a jerk in this story is Bracken. Do better.”
Your Sister Is Certainly Being Ridiculous
“Not the jerk. She *is* being ridiculous. Neville had no qualms at all about making discriminatory comments loud enough that other people were giving him looks. It’s not bullying for the other kids to not like him or tolerate his nonsense.
Bracken and his friends ‘gossiping’ about behavior loudly displayed in public is *not* the biggest problem your sister needs to address.”
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