Getting mad over someone for changing their lock screen sounds childish, no matter what reason you give!

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for calling out my partner for changing her lock screen while on a girly holiday with a morally corrupt friend?”. What’s your take on the matter?


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The Original Poster (OP) (M54) and his partner (F55) are planning to move in together in February.

“So serious stuff, wanting to spend the rest of their lives together,” says OP. 


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OP’s partner has a friend she has known since she was ten, living in a boarding school in the same dormitories. They are very different people, but they get on due to their history and proximity to each other in later life.

“My partner’s friend has never been faithful to anyone. She has cheated on everyone she has had a relationship with, and in the case of her 20-year marriage, was unfaithful many times. 

Her partner has ditched her, and now she has been very active on the dating scene despite having a long-time lover”, says OP. 


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So, OP’s partner and her friend went away on holiday together, which OP was a bit paranoid about.

“Beforehand, my partner had Botox in her face (as did her friend), and false eyelashes that looked like brooms were put on. At this age, they can have a bit more decorum”, says OP. 


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“I confronted my partner for changing her lock screen from a picture of me (had been that picture for seven months) to one of her 20-year-old kids while on holiday?” asks OP.


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This was after admitting OP’s partner’s friend was looking at dating apps abroad, which she played down as locality services popped up natives of the area. 

“Although it would have also popped up with the same nationality as her that was visiting the island too. Her friend is addicted to dating apps”, says OP. 


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His (OP’s) partner claims she can’t remember changing her lock screen, but OP finds the timing suspicious and points out that changing the lock screen isn’t something you can do accidentally on an iPhone.

“She isn’t that stupid! Am I the jerk for calling her out?” asks OP. 


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“You sound paranoid, insecure, like you don’t trust her, and you’re judgemental to the core (try and have some decorum at your age).

None of this sounds rational. It just sounds like you are trying to plant the seeds of distrust so you can later throw it back at your partner, and if you break up, you can play the victim.”


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“You’re the jerk. Your partner hanging out with someone who likes sleeping around doesn’t mean your partner will sleep around when with them. It’s elementary to change an iPhone Lock Screen now accidentally. You just long tap on the screen and swipe. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” 


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“You’re the jerk. Your behavior, as described, comes off as controlling, paranoid, and super judgemental. Additionally, demanding your partner to have a lock screen of you always is not ‘calling them out’ when they change it. It’s just being a jerk.” 


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“Going against the grain. No jerks here. Feeling a little weirded out is justified, and people are a culmination of their closest friends. If you stay with morally gray people, you’ll like to be morally gray.” 


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“You’re the jerk. Also, you absolutely can accidentally change the lock screen on your iPhone by force touching the screen and accidentally swiping to a different lock screen you’ve had previously.

You’re paranoid and projecting. Why would your partner’s friend influence her to cheat on you? Her friends’ morals are not your partner’s. You don’t trust her, and that’s kinda weird.”


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“You’re spending too much time looking for a problem that doesn’t exist. Do you trust your partner or not? It sounds like you don’t. If that is the case, cut her loose and move on. If you do, then shut up and trust her. You’re not in high school anymore. You’re the jerk.”

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