Is pregnancy an excuse for being selfish and dismissive of other people’s feelings? Well, we don’t think so!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for making my husband leave a wedding reception with me?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (32F) and her husband (34M) have been married for 8 years and have 2 kids (6 & 4). OP is currently 7 months pregnant with their 3rd child.
Current Situation
This has been by far OP’s worst pregnancy. Overall health-wise, OP and the baby are fine, with no major issues but the general fatigue and discomfort of being pregnant while also having 2 other kids to take care of is wearing on OP.
“I’ve also had more nausea and terrible heartburn.”, says OP.
What Has Been Happening Lately?
As a result of OP being tired literally all the time, OP’s husband has had to take on a lot of additional household and childcare duties.
He’s been great about it and things are still running smoothly even though OP can do about 1/3 of the household and kid stuff she usually does.
This Past Weekend
This past weekend, OP and her husband attended a wedding for one of her friends from college. OP’s husband knows a lot of people in this friend group and he was really looking forward to some adult social interaction.
“The wedding was a 3-hour drive from our place so he got his parents to babysit and booked a hotel so we wouldn’t have to drive home and could enjoy the reception.”, says OP.
What Happened Halfway Through The Reception
OP felt fine all day up until halfway through the reception. But it was like she hit a wall energy-wise and started getting terrible heartburn. OP’s husband was off mingling with people while she pretty much just sat at a table for over an hour talking with whoever came by to say hi.
OP’s husband came over to check on her and she told him that she wasn’t feeling well and wanted to leave.
What Did OP’s Husband Ask Her?
OP’s husband asked if OP would be comfortable taking the shuttle back to the hotel by herself so that he could stick around and keep socializing.
OP told him she wanted him to come back to the room with her in case she started feeling worse so that he could take care of her. He didn’t protest or argue with OP, but he did give a big sigh in the “Ugh, ok fine” kind of way.
When they got back to the room, OP was so exhausted that she fell asleep immediately.
The Next Morning
OP’s husband was upset with OP all morning as they were getting ready to leave. A lot of one-word answers kind of stuff.
On the way home, OP asked him what his deal was and he said he was frustrated that OP “made” him go back to the room with her only for her to fall asleep. He said if he knew she was just going to fall asleep, he would have stayed at the reception for longer.
The Argument Ahead
OP’s husband said that this was the first social interaction he’s had in months and with the new baby coming, will probably be his last social interaction like that for months again.
OP told him that she didn’t “make” him come back with me, she just told him she wanted him to in case she felt worse.
OP also told him that her health should be his priority over any social event anyway. He said that wasn’t really giving him a choice because if he stayed, even if OP fell asleep right away as she did, she would still hold it against him that he “chose wrong.”
He said he was just enjoying behaving like an adult instead of a dad for one night and he’s allowed to be frustrated that was cut short.
“It might just be hormones, but his attitude is making me feel guilty about this. Am I a jerk”, says OP.
You Ruined His Night!
“You’re the jerk. You are a big girl and could’ve taken the shuttle to the hotel. If you started to feel worse you could have called him.
Seems like this night meant a lot to him and you couldn’t care less. Yes, you are pregnant but it doesn’t mean he is there to be your handmaid. You ruined his night.”
You Should Obviously Feel Guilty
“You’re the jerk. Yeah, you did make him come back to the room, and yes, you should feel guilty. You should have let him stay and have some adult time.
If an emergency arose that required his assistance, there was a marvelous invention called a *cell phone*. You could have easily called him if you needed him.”
This Is What He Had Signed Up For!
“Going against the flow here but you’re not the jerk. My wife’s about 7 months pregnant with our 2nd (both tough pregnancies). As far as I’m concerned, this is what you are signing up for when you decide to have kids.
Also, as far as I’m concerned this is what you sign up from when you sign up to be in a committed relationship. One of you isn’t feeling great at a wedding, and guess what! Your job is taking care of that person for the night…doesn’t really matter if they are pregnant or not.”
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