Adult children who cannot act responsibly when their father is on his deathbed deserve absolutely nothing, let alone a share in the inheritance!
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for giving my late husband’s estate to a stranger instead of our kids?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (F55) had been married to her husband (M60) for 20 years before he died. It was cancer. He had two kids from a past marriage who were in their early teens when he married OP.
“I had a 7-year-old from an earlier relationship as well. We didn’t have any more kids.”, says OP.
OP Tried Her Best
OP tried to treat her stepchildren as her own but they never accepted her. They were very rude and insulted OP whenever they could.
Since OP did not work, they called her a gold digger who married their dad only for his money.
Was OP Really A Gold Digger?
The truth is that OP’s grandparents were quite wealthy and left her a lot of money when they died. OP lived well below her means and chose to stay home and raise her daughter since she could afford that.
“I did not need his money at all. But I didn’t bother sharing this with his kids and told him not to either. I did not want them to like me just because they might gain monetarily from me.”, says OP.
Husband’s Relationship With His Children
OP’s husband on the other hand hated how they behaved with OP. Their blatant disrespect made him not pay for their college tuition. Their mom couldn’t pay for it and they had to take loans for it. They didn’t even talk to their dad.
“Even when he got cancer, they refused to come see him. For three years we struggled with the treatment. My daughter came to visit from time to time when she could.”, says OP.
The Daughter They Wished For
During this time, the only person who really helped both of them was someone they were not related to at all. This girl in her late 20’s waitressed at a cafe they frequented.
She was a single mom, taking classes at community college at night, working during the day, and raising her two kids. She took a liking to them and when she learned OP’s husband was sick, spent whatever time she could be visiting him.
“She has stayed nights at the hospital when I needed a break and basically been the daughter we wished for.”, says OP.
When OP’s Husband Died
When he died, the same girl helped OP arrange her husband’s funeral. His kids came on the day; they only wanted to know about their inheritance. OP felt sick.
When OP learned her husband had left his estate to OP, (whatever was left after settling his bills, and it was around $25000), OP decided to give it to the girl who helped them both so much.
“She tried to refuse but I insisted she take it. She needed it and in my opinion, deserved it more than the ungrateful children.”, says OP.
Everyone Else’s Reaction
OP’s daughter understands why OP did not give it to his children but is upset she did not give anything to her either. OP told her she already had money and a job. Not to mention she will get OP’s inheritance. OP thinks this was in no way her money.
“But his ex-wife and kids are causing havoc over this and are really upset with me. They are calling me the jerk for giving away money they deserve. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
Not The Jerk At All
“First of all, an estate of 25k is very small. It’s not the size of an estate that people even normally ask about or fight over. It’s surprising to me that your child and your stepchildren were expecting some windfall when your husband’s total net worth was 25k. Were they under the impression that your husband had money?
If your husband wanted his kids or your kids to have his estate, he would have left it to them. But he wanted you to have it, and you were well within your right and the moral high ground to give it to someone who made an influence in your life and for whom it may be a life-changing gift.”
You Did A Really Kind Thing
“Not the jerk, he had the children before he married you. If he’d wanted them to get the money, they would’ve been in the will. I’m sorry for your loss, but rest assured that you did a really kind thing and your husband likely wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”
Why Did You Allow Their Resentment To Fester?
“You’re the jerk. They were angry teenagers, and you could have easily proved to them that they were totally incorrect about why you were with their father. Instead, your choice allowed their resentment to fester. I get why you did it, but it wasn’t the right choice.”
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