Uninviting your father-in-law to your wedding may seem harsh, but sometimes it’s necessary to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my wife’s dad he can’t come to our wedding?”. We need to hear your take on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP), Jeana is a thirty-two-year-old female and at her engagement dinner, wife Zoé (34F) made a toast to new beginnings. Everyone happily clinked drinks except Zoé’s father.
Zoé Father’s Indecent Staring
Zoé’s father just sat there with his arms crossed, staring daggers at OP. OP looked at Zoé but she was too busy talking to her brother.
Twenty Minutes Into The Dinner
Twenty minutes into the dinner OP overhears a conversation at the end of the table where they sat the older people like their parents and grandparents. OP heard her mother say “Excuse me?” Then she heard Zoé’s father say “It just isn’t natural”.
What Happened When OP Asked What Was Going On?
OP asked what was going on and the whole end of the table got silent.
Zoé’s father said that he was happy for them but he doesn’t like that OP is a girl. OP asked him what did he mean by that and he told OP their whole engagement was a joke. He actually started to look around for some type of backup.
What Did OP Tell Her Father-In-Law?
OP laughed and told him if he felt that way, he shouldn’t come to the wedding. He got very upset and told OP she can’t tell him what to do and that he is going to go anyways.
OP put her foot down and said no, you’re not. For years OP had to sit and listen to him talk down on her and Zoé’s relationship but this time OP wasn’t letting it happen.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “But now I regret it because after the party Zoé’s mother told me that her family isn’t attending the wedding because I told her husband he couldn’t come. Now Zoé is extremely upset and has been crying since we got home. Am I a jerk for uninviting him?”
Why Does Zoe Care?
“Not the jerk. Ask Zoe why she cares so much about people who do not love or respect her. Her father is homophobic, and his family members who are currently supporting him are homophobic.
As hard as this is to hear – if Zoe can’t understand that, then maybe she doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship with you, as she doesn’t really respect you or herself.”
Everyone’s In The Wrong
“Everyone’s a jerk – you don’t unilaterally decide something for both of you as a couple. That’s not cool no matter how much her father deserved it.”
Zoe Should Understand That Such People Shouldn’t Be Invited
“Zoé’s dad doesn’t like it, he can kick rocks. I wouldn’t want someone anywhere, especially when drinking is involved, they didn’t approve.
If the family is taking his side, it means they’re just as unsupportive as he is, they just don’t vocalize it.
I’d apologize to Zoé for not talking with her first about what course to take BUT she should understand that anyone opposed to your wedding shouldn’t be there, family or not.
That is just a powder keg waiting to go off. Like I can clearly see the dad sitting there drinking ready to launch onto a fully homophobic rant during his speech making everyone uncomfortable, especially you and Zoé.”
Looks Like Everything’s Ruined
“You should have talked to Zoé first, perhaps, but her family’s catering to her father’s homophobia isn’t your fault. Not the jerk.
But, it’s likely the wedding is ruined. Possibly the relationship. Which, ironically, is I suppose what the old man would want.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.