Imagine you have an identical twin who’s not so identical to you in terms of behavior or lifestyle principles and as a result, they end up making you responsible for their wild actions in other people’s eyes. How’re you gonna deal with it?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for demanding that my twin sister either changes her lifestyle or makes sure everyone knows we’re two separate people?”. Here’s the full story for you to decide.


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The Original Poster (OP) (20F) has an identical twin sister (“Emma”). They live together in an apartment while away from home for college.

They’ve always been very similar, not just in appearance but also in the things they enjoy (as stereotypical with twins, OP guesses). Except when it comes to relationships.

OP And Her Sister’s Contrasting Personalities

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OP is not interested in relationships at all, neither emotional nor physical. Emma is the complete opposite. Ever since they started living there, she’s been bringing another random guy or girl (or both) home like every other night.

It makes OP extremely uncomfortable, but since it’s her own life OP doesn’t think she really has any right to judge.

The Problem

Two sisters teenager fighting at home angry pulling long hair
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The problem is that it’s really beginning to affect OP’s own life.

“Not only do I have to listen to her going at it every time (we have \*very\* thin walls). But since we look practically the same and even our names are similar (if her name is ‘Emma’, my name would be ‘Emilia’), I’m getting attention intended for her as well.

She has a reputation with how easy she is to sleep with, and people are approaching me thinking I’m her.”, says OP.

What’s Been Happening With OP Recently?

bullying, friendship and people concept - two teenagers having a fight
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OP’s messages on social media are being filled with all kinds of obscene language and adult photos. When OP replies by saying she’s going to report them, they get confused because of the “good time they had last night”.

Any time OP meets someone new, they only seem to be talking to her because they think OP is her sister and wants to have some nighttime fun. As a result, OP doesn’t have any friends.

What Did OP Finally Do?

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OP got really fed up with it yesterday and told her sister the way she acts is ruining OP’s life. OP told her she either needs to change her lifestyle or somehow make sure whoever she slept with won’t bother OP and make it clear to everyone that they were not the same.

OP’s Sister’s Response

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In response, she told OP she needs to mind her own business, that OP shouldn’t be such a prude, and that OP should also probably have some fun.

“It kind of escalated from there resulting me in calling her names (which is definitely a jerky thing to say, but I lost my cool). Anyway, am I a jerk for demanding my sister to change her way of living, or otherwise make sure her interaction with people doesn’t affect me?”, asks OP.

You Gotta Move Out

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“Not the jerk. There is not much you can do about her bringing people over. It would be best to move out and change your social media settings. Be your own person.”

Do Something To Look Different

sisters fighting badly
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“Everyone’s a jerk. If I were you, I would change my hair color and adapt my name on social media. You look the same – and you could try to change this so people notice you are 2 different persons.

Your sister should tell her friends about her twin sister. In the long term, it could make sense to live in different cities so both of you can have your own lives.”

Moving Out Is The Only Way

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“Not the jerk, you need to move out from your sister, not only is she disrespectful to you but she is ruining your reputation and also what she is doing can be a danger to your life bringing home random people all the time, sometimes twins have a hard time being apart but that is clearly what you need sorry for what you go through OP and if anyone says ‘you’re the jerk’, do not listen to their nonsense.”

Is There A Possibility Of A Deeper Twist To The Story?

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“Any chance your sister is pretending to be you so any reputation she develops while going wild doesn’t follow her into her future/career?

Once or twice could be just a random hookup getting the name wrong, but constantly? Even if your names are similar that strikes me as unlikely and I’d be worried she’s using your name instead of hers to avoid any blow back that might come from the reputation she is developing.”

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