Sending a lewd message to a relative and interfering with their married life is a serious offense. It can have devastating consequences for the relationship between the relative and their spouse, and it can also damage the relationship between the relative and the person who sent the message.

An internet user asked, Am I a jerk for sending my sister’s father-in-law a “lewd” message and “interfering with her married life”? We want to hear your views on the matter. 


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OP’s sister (28F) got married in late April. OP (25, Bisexual Male) has been hanging out with his sister’s father-in-law, Thomas (mid-40s), ever since. It’s not like they’re seeing each other on a daily, just every other weekend or so. 

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “We grab drinks or just hang out at his home, nothing nefarious. Still, I’ve never brought it up to my sister because it never came up.”

What Happened Last Night?

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Last night, OP and his sister’s father-in-law were hanging out like they usually do. OP is typically in charge of playing music for them and cyber ex by Doja Cat came on the playlist he had queued up.

Thomas was amused by the lyrics and was asking OP where he found the song, it was a funny moment. They moved on, OP left after a while.

What Happened This Morning?

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This morning when OP woke up, he sent him a text along with a link to the song as a joke.

Turns out OP’s sister and her husband were visiting at this point and OP’s BIL was in the middle of looking at something on Thomas’ phone when the message came through. It caused a huge stir and resulted in OP’s BIL confronting his father about the whole thing.

OP’s Sister Called Him

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OP’s sister called him later and asked why he was sending her father-in-law “lewd” messages, or hanging out with him at all. OP tried to explain the situation as he did here, that OP and Thomas grab drinks and catch up occasionally after finding things in common during her wedding weekend but it hasn’t gone well.

What Does OP Asking 

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OP says, “I’m starting to feel guilty about the whole thing because she said I was interfering with her married life. I’m lost. Am I a jerk?”

That’s Just Inappropriate & Disrespectful

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“You’re the jerk. This is incredibly inappropriate and disrespectful to your sister and BIL. You need to learn to be less self-serving and learn some boundaries as well.” 

Nobody Is In The Wrong Here

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“No jerks here. You can flirt with whomever you want if it is consensual. But they are also not jerks for being upset about the unusual family dynamics this could affect (you could end up being your sister’s stepfather-in-law) and the perceived shadiness of not disclosing the relationship.  

But I do caution you to think about the potential fallout from pursuing a relationship with him if it goes beyond the boundaries of friendship. It may not affect her marriage, per se, but extended family dynamics can fall under ‘married life’ because in law stuff is definitely a part of being married.”

It’s Creepy, To Be Honest

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“This whole hanging out with her father-in-law who has no relation to you is creepy, and I feel like you’re not telling us the whole story.”

Their Reaction Is Understandable But You Ain’t Wrong As Well

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“Your sister and her husband have every reason to think something would be going on. That said I don’t think you’re the jerk. He’s single, you’re fun….go do what single people with stuff in common do.

Can’t really say anyone is the jerk in this situation.” 

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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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