Committing to something is one thing. Taking your words seriously and adhering to what you commit is another.
When you commit to responsibilities, especially without acknowledging what they expect from you, it’s almost like signing an agreement without actually giving it a read. It just doesn’t make sense and creates problems for both parties.
What Is Happening
Before you ask, no. We’re not here to lecture you on commitments. It’s just that we encountered an incident online that revolves around the same subject.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for accepting to be a bridesmaid? Read on to know what exactly happened.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP’s) (25F) best friend Mark (25M) is getting married to his fiancée Natalie (25F) in August.
Natalie asked OP to be her bridesmaid two months ago and she gracefully accepted although OP was kind of bothered Mark didn’t ask her to be a grooms-woman but she didn’t voice it to them because she didn’t want Natalie to get mad at her.
What’s Been Happening Since The Past Few Weeks?
OP says, “Anyway, the past few weeks, we’ve been going bridesmaids’ dress and shoe shopping until the bride finds something she likes for us. She said we could pick the dress style as long as it is long and in lilac color. I don’t like any of the stuff I try on since I never wear dresses and I’ve never worn high heels either. All the bridesmaids found their dresses and shoes except me.”
During this time, Natalie had been personally assisting OP in order to find the right fit, yet she didn’t like anything. After looking up, OP decided to ask her if she could wear some platform shoes she has and a lilac tube top with wide-tailored pants.
Was OP’s Look Approved?
Natalie asked to see the look and seemed to consider it at first but then changed her mind and said no. She wanted a dress and high heels only. Natalie also told OP that her look looks like a corporate/office look, and not a bridesmaid one.
OP Explained She Hates Wearing Dresses
Next, OP explained to her that she hates wearing dresses and high heels and she’s not sure why she should have to; To which Natalie replied that OP knew her requirements for the bridesmaids from day one and if she was uncomfortable with those requirements, why did she accept being a bridesmaid in the first place!
OP told her “I’d rather be a grooms-woman instead and not a bridesmaid since I’m not into girly things and after all Mark is my best friend, not her.”
How Did Natalie & Mark React To OP’s Behavior?
Natalie took great offense to it and told Mark, and Mark got into an argument with OP and told her that she owed Natalie an apology and how they’re not doing grooms-woman. He tried to convince Natalie to take OP as a bridesmaid to feel included, yet she insulted Natalie with her words and behavior.
OP wants to know if she’s the jerk here. What do you think?
Wow, The Bride Was Being Very Generous
“Oh wow. By the sounds of it, she was very, very patient with you. Do you realize this isn’t about you? She’s letting you pick and choose a dress, and you couldn’t – take it up, buttercup.” Said one.
“Honestly, the fact that the bride lets them choose the dress is very generous; so many bridal parties just have the bride choose the dress, and you can like it or leave it. OP wants to make this about her and how she’s “one of the guys”” Another added.
She’s Pretty Reasonable With Her Arguments
“I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to expect her bridesmaids to be in a dress. If you want to keep this friend, maybe learn that the world does not rotate around you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.” Said one.
“I don’t even think it’s unreasonable to wear a dress you don’t love as a bridesmaid, the bride is already being nice by letting them choose their own dresses but it’s pretty standard wedding knowledge that you’re dressing for the bride and not yourself so you wear what makes her happy instead of you. Millions of bridesmaids in hideous dresses over the years speaks for itself” Another added.
OP, You’re Not Even A Good Friend
“If you weren’t willing to wear a dress, you shouldn’t have accepted. Mark chose not to do a grooms-woman. This was them making you a part of the wedding, which isn’t your wedding— you don’t get to override the (fairly lax) bridal party dress code requirements. Then you insult the bride to boot. In what world do you think you’re being a good friend to Mark by insulting his fiancée?”
You Know It’s THEIR Wedding, Right?
“Are you for real? You’re making it about you.
It is THEIR wedding. Good on Mark for standing up for Natalie.” Said one.
“Are you sure you’re 25? This wedding is NOT about you. You agreed to Natalie’s parameters when you said yes to being a bridesmaid. Either wear a lilac dress or drop out of the wedding party.” Another added.
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.