Paying or not paying for your friend’s girlfriend’s meal at a restaurant is a common dilemma, especially when you’re on a budget. Is it expected of you to pay? What if you can’t afford it? What if you don’t even know her that well?
A user asked recently, Am I a jerk for refusing to pay for my friend’s girlfriend’s meal at a restaurant? We want you to find out.
Backstory
So recently, the Original Poster (OP) went to a local restaurant with his girlfriend, her sister, his friend, his friend’s girlfriend, and three other friends with nobody else brought along.
So as one can imagine, there were 8 of them at the table, and it was crowded in the restaurant already so the waiters weren’t happy to see such a big group turn up and have to seat them. It started to get awkward when they couldn’t see a free table immediately, but eventually, they did, and everyone sat down.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I originally offered to pay as I had invited them all and never had the liberty of paying for once. I, unfortunately, do have some money problems because of gambling, but I am clean for 2 years now and have really been getting on with my life, with a new job and more pay.”
What Happened Next?
Even with a struggle, OP thought he could easily pay for everyone but not, he thought people would know unofficial boundaries for money spending, but he wasn’t expecting what happened with his friends’ girlfriend.
What Did OP Say
OP says “She asked who’s paying, I said me, and she then began to eat and make sure she chose the most expensive stuff she could in the menu; I thought she can’t be serious right now, but I thought lets see where it goes surely she knows what someone would want to pay for, but I was wrong, but after about an hour and 30 minutes of this and 4 rounds of drinks (for her) I said to a waiter can I have a check.”
What The Check?!
When the waiter returned, it came to a total of just over £260. OP was astonished, he could afford it, but that didn’t mean he wanted to pay for it.
What Does OP Say
OP says “So I refused to pay for her bill of £113 and asked her for the full amount or some form of payment towards it. She refused and called me a jerk, I originally believed she was taking the mick out of my generosity but now I understand that she’s normally like this, (I have never gone out with her before) but her accusation made me rethink myself and I had to ask myself was I an jerk, which I can’t decide on internally.”
Is OP really the jerk? Let’s see what others think.
There Are Some Unsaid Rules, My Friend
“It’s an unwritten rule that if someone else is paying, you let them set the pace of expenditure. She accounted for nearly half the bill when there were 8 people eating.” said one.
“Yeah, I mean 4 drinks in an hour and a half? Sounds like this girl was very intentionally trying to squeeze everything out of OP she possibly could.” another added.
This Math Is OUTRIGHT OUTRAGEOUS
“The full bill was 260 and HER PORTION was 113? That’s 147 divided between the rest of you! If this math is correct then you are definitely not the jerk here. Wow! The audacity of some people!” commented one.
Someone else supported their argument by adding “That means the average bill for the other seven members of the party is $21. If everyone else is only ordering $21 worth of food and drinks, the person with a bill five times larger than everyone else’s ought to cover her own self.”
Lesson Learned: Don’t Announce So Early EVER AGAIN
“She is a great example of why you shouldn’t announce you’re paying for everyone at the beginning of a meal. There are rude/ignorant people who will take this as a chance to go on a spending spree with their order when they’d never behave that way if they were paying for themselves. A better way would be to take the check at the end of the meal, or to get up from the table and discreetly pay on the way to the restroom.”
If It Weren’t For This ‘One’ Fact, You Clearly Were The Jerk
“I thought you were the jerk until I saw how much she spent compared to everyone else. She was clearly taking advantage of you! You maybe should have said when she was ordering so much that you weren’t willing to pay for anything beyond a certain point, but that’s just something to consider in the future.”
You Should’ve Spoken Up Sooner, Man
“Not a jerk! But I probably would have spoken up sooner. As soon as she started acting that way I’d have spoken up.”
“Obviously she is a jerk for ordering really expensive things when she knows someone else is paying (especially the asking beforehand sounds pretty tacky). But you should have said something earlier that you won’t be covering all if she orders this much…”
Better Don’t Offer If You Ain’t Familiar With Their Habits
“I mean, it really depends on if she orders like that all the time. Don’t offer to pay when you don’t know the eating habits. It’s pretty crappy to expect her to limit herself because of unwritten and unofficial stipulations you haven’t mentioned to her. You’re the jerk because you walked yourself into this one.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.