As children, we uncritically absorb the teachings of our parents, who serve as our primary guides until we mature into independent learners. However, not all parental wisdom remains relevant or appropriate as we navigate life’s complexities. Consequently, we must engage in a process of unlearning certain ingrained beliefs to foster a genuinely fulfilling existence.
A user asked the forum, “What did you have to unlearn your parents taught you?”. Here are the top ressponses.
PEOPLE PLEASING
“People pleasing.
I struggle with this BAD.”
BEING LOYAL TO THE COMPANY
“Be loyal to the company, and you will be rewarded.
People who are job hoppers tend to get paid more than those who stay.”
SPANKING
“Spanking is the only way to get kids to learn.
All it taught me was how to lie and listen for footsteps.”
BURDEN FOR EVERYONE
“That I’m a burden for everyone. They didn’t do it on purpose, but I still feel like I bother everyone with my presence, even as a young adult.”
EATING HABITS
“You don’t have to eat everything on the plate.
Thanks for making me obese.”
ESCALATING DISAGREEMENTS
“My mom looks to escalate disagreements into full-on fights. If you disagree with her, she treats it as a personal attack, and she will stop at nothing until she gets whatever the hell. Basically, a discussion with my mom goes from “I think the tree should be planted over there” to her replying with, “Yeah, you should have never been born.”
It put me on guard as I was growing up, a guard I never realized I didn’t need to have and more “combative” with disagreements than I ever should have been. It took me a long time to be able to recognize when she was trying to escalate a situation versus whatever the real issue was.
She’s also a hoarder, so that doesn’t help. A bottle of expired relish is treated like a family heirloom. She holds a grudge against me to this day because I cleaned out a moldy fridge.”
NOT TRYING ANYTHING NEW
“Don’t try that. You’ll find it too difficult, and you’ll just quit.
It took me until adulthood to realize that it would be an inconvenience to my father if I wanted to take on extracurricular activities, and he was just lazy.
It’s taken me YEARS to complete anything of value.”
NOT ADDRESSING A BAD BEHAVIOR
“Sweeping everything under the rug and not addressing bad behavior head-on. Setting boundaries.”
BLOOD RELATIONSHIPS
“That blood relations are important.”
SCHOOL
“People who do well in school are better than anybody else.”
CORPORAL PUNISHMENT OF CHILDREN
“Corporal punishment of children.
I had a great (lower middle-class) childhood, so let’s not confuse this with abuse. But my parents didn’t hesitate to rule by the belt, and unfortunately, they were only doing what was done to them.
My in-laws were much more free-spirited in their parenting style; as such, they raised more socially rounded children. I would add that while their children were more socially rounded and comfortable in their own skin, they were also more sensitive to perceived rejection.
I wish I was a psychologist and could better understand this dichotomy. As a kid who experienced spankings as discipline, I lived in a more chaotic but less self-centered mindset. Inversely, my wife and brother-in-law were mostly given breadth and grace while growing to be more fragile adults. Perhaps more interesting is that in both sibling cases, all four of us married people who grew up in opposing family structures.
Maybe it’s all subjective and without any causation at all.”
NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW EMOTIONS
“As a child, I was never allowed to really show much emotion, if any at all. Which was hard, considering I wasn’t the type of kid to stay silent when something was bothering me.
Unfortunately, since I never had any sort of support or anybody to talk to pretty much my whole childhood, my mindset changed to the “you’d be a burden” kind. It is still something I struggle with to this day.”
WORRYING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK
“Worrying about what people think. I don’t think I’ll ever get past this. They were all about “what will the neighbors think”…and everyone else in the universe.”
THERAPY
“Going to therapy doesn’t mean you are weak.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.