Sometimes, you may need to do things that are typically considered unacceptable to prevent others from taking you for granted.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for going through my friend’s closet to find my wedding dress?”. What’s your take on the matter?
BACKSTORY
Two years ago, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband were doing some renovations to their house.
“I didn’t want my wedding dress to get damaged or lost. Considering we lost a few things during the renovation, I was right to be concerned. My friend offered to keep it in her closet until the renovations were done,” says OP.
POST THE RENOVATIONS
After they finished the renovations, OP asked her friend for the dress back. She kept saying she’d get back to OP.
“I kept asking, and she’d make up excuses. I found it weird,” says OP.
WHAT NOW?
Now, OP’s sister is getting married, and she wants to wear the dress.
“This was our mother’s dress, and we always agreed to wear it. I told my friend I needed it back. She claimed she couldn’t find it,” says OP.
OP WAS BAFFLED
She (OP) was perplexed because she thought, how does it just get up and walk away? OP’s friend apologized and offered to pay OP the cost of the dress, which OP turned down because it wasn’t about money.
“The dress was sentimental, and I felt terrible that my sister couldn’t wear it,” says OP.
WHAT DID OP DO NEXT?
Her (OP’s) friend and her husband went away. OP was there to water their plants and feed their dogs. Just then, OP decided to look for it herself. The closet was very cluttered, and OP eventually found the dress.
“I can believe that she missed where it was, and she wasn’t being malicious. The box was tucked behind a few larger ones containing seasonal clothes,” says OP.
OP COMMUNICATED ABOUT THE DRESS
OP texted her friend, saying, “I found the dress.” Instead of being happy for OP, she asked why OP rummaged through her closet. She (OP) said she just wanted to double-check.
Her friend told OP she had no right to go through her things. OP said that because of her clutter, OP’s sister almost didn’t get to wear the dress she always dreamed of.
“My friend told me that I could’ve asked her to look again, but I pointed out it took two years for her to even look in the first place. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
SHE’S NOT THE FRIEND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD
“Not the jerk. Your friend got defensive because she knew she was in the wrong. Maybe she never actually bothered looking, or maybe she planned to keep it. Either way, she’s not the friend you thought you had.”
THIS WAS AN EXCEPTION
“This was a very special dress. I’m glad you found it, and don’t let your friend make you feel bad. Going through people’s things is bad, but I would say this is one exception I feel good about.”
SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE IT WAS
“Not the jerk. Your friend didn’t lose it, and she knew exactly where it was. I wouldn’t have said anything about finding it and waited to see if she came to you saying it wasn’t where she put it. Then you would have known she was lying to you.”
SHE REACTED VERY FLIPPANTLY
“Not the jerk. If your friend had been more careful with your things and if she had scoured the moment you asked for the dress, you wouldn’t have needed to look for yourself.
She reacted very flippantly as if she was not concerned so that I would have looked by myself, too. But I would never have told her.”
YOUR FRIEND ISN’T BEING HONEST
“Not the jerk. Your friend probably wanted to keep it and thought money would have been a fast solution. It shouldn’t take two years to receive a dress or a payout explanation. Your friend isn’t being honest.”
THIS WAS NO ACCIDENT
“Not the jerk. But this was no accident. The whole point of your friend holding your mother’s dress was to keep it safe. You underreacted then, and you’re underreacting now.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.