If someone doesn’t explicitly say yes, it should be regarded as a no unless they clarify otherwise.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for yelling at my sister for sharing my pregnancy news without asking me first?”. Here’s the whole story for your context:
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (28F) is ten weeks pregnant with her first child. OP and her husband have been together a long time; they are high school sweethearts, so this is a fascinating time.
“We’ve shared this news with our close friends and family only so far and are waiting until I’m a bit further along to share the news more widely,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED THIS WEEKEND?
This weekend, OP’s sister (32F) informed OP that she had told her ex-boyfriend that OP was pregnant.
“I know at first that doesn’t sound like a big deal; however, she and her ex were together for many years, and my husband and I are close with him. He is like a brother to us. When we were ready, we planned to tell him the news over dinner in a few weeks. My sister and her ex are no longer close and rarely talk”, says OP.
OP WAS UPSET
When OP’s sister told her this, she (OP) expressed how upset she was and how it was not her sister’s news to share.
“I was upset, so I ended the conversation and called her the following day, hoping we could make amends,” says OP.
THINGS ESCALATED
However, things escalated, and OP’s sister told OP it doesn’t matter and it’s not a big deal, and she doesn’t understand why OP cares so much.
“She said we’ve told many other friends, so why does it matter? I again explained to her it is not her news to share, and we had planned to tell him in person”, says OP.
HEATED ARGUMENT
Even OP’s mom called OP and asked if she could tell her best friend before doing it. The conversation eventually heated to the point where the sisters yelled at each other, and OP called her sister selfish.
OP’S THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW
OP and her sister are close, so OP feels disappointed that her sister betrayed her trust and went against her wishes. In addition, had she just said, “I’m sorry, I messed up, I shouldn’t have done that, and it won’t happen again.”, OP would be able to move on.
WHAT DOES OP ASK?
“But her reaction and unwillingness to take accountability and empathize with what I’m going through is what is not sitting right with me. So, am I a jerk for yelling at my sister over this?” asks OP.
NOT HER NEWS TO SHARE
“Not the jerk, not her news to share. Also, ten weeks is quite early on. If you were further along, she might share it without asking. Also, I was super eager to share that news when I was pregnant because I was so happy about it. If your sister and her ex were married, she would share if, but you mention they hardly speak.”
NORMAL TO FEEL ANNOYED
“Not the jerk, early pregnancy is widely understood to be news the parents get to share, and your sister was defensive to boot. It makes sense you’d be annoyed.”
NO GREEN LIGHT DOES NOT MEANS RED LIGHT
“Not the jerk. Never share someone’s pregnancy news unless they’ve given you the green light.”
NOT THE JERK
“Not the jerk. It would have been good to ask your sister not to share it. That gives her a bit of leeway for telling her ex.”
IT’S YOUR PREGNANCY
“Not the jerk. It’s your pregnancy and your news to share. But have you told your sister not to tell anyone? I know this is obvious for most people, but for others, you have to clarify.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.