What would you do if somebody keeps faking their identity and goes about telling people they lived your life and you lived theirs?
An internet user asked, “Will I be the jerk for telling my half-sister’s new family that she kind of assumed my identity?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (F25) has a half-sister (F24), called ‘Hannah’. OP supposes from their ages the circumstances of her birth are very obvious, and because of this and the subsequent drama, she was never in OP’s life growing up.
What Does OP Say
“I would say I’ve met her less than 10 times in my life. When she was 16 she started consistently reaching out to me via social media but I was never interested. This stopped when we were about 20.”, says OP.
Some Flashback
Since then, OP mostly forgot about her existence until she reached out to OP again at the start of this year, saying she’d got engaged. She wanted OP to come to her engagement party and help her get in contact with the rest of OP’s dad’s side of the family.
OP Told She Wasn’t Interested
OP told her OP wasn’t interested but she did ask the rest of the family (granddad, aunts, cousins) if they wanted OP to put them in touch with her and they said no, so OP told her that, too.
About A Week Later
About a week later, OP got a message on social media from her sister’s fiancé, digging OP out for how she treated her.
He told OP he understood that it was tough being the product of an affair and he gets that OP would be jealous of her since OP was shunned by the family, but that she felt terrible about it and had always wanted a relationship with OP.
“I was as confused as I was angry because he had the entire story backward.”, says OP.
OP’s Response The First Time It Happened
OP forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark, and she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is an affair baby, that they think she stayed in contact with dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and lived the life OP did.
“I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth.”, says OP.
A Few Days Ago
The months went by. A few days ago, OP received more messages, from the fiancé and the fiancé’s sister, calling OP a heartless jerk for refusing Hannah’s attempts at contact. The sister said OP needed to get over her jealousy of Hannah.
The fiancé called out OP for ‘emotionally blackmailing’ Hannah’s dad into not going to the wedding. It took everything in OP not to reply and read a lot of them to filth.
OP’s Dilemma Right Now
So, now OP is contemplating whether she would be the jerk for messaging them back with the truth. It can’t go on like this, OP told Hannah to handle her business and she didn’t.
“Also, her lies are pretty weird. She’s marrying a guy who has no idea who she is. Then again, it’s not like she sent these people after me, so maybe I would be the jerk for tearing apart her whole life over something that isn’t technically her fault.”, says OP.
Now OP wants to know what must be her next steps in this scenario.
Tell Them The Truth And Block Them All
“Not the jerk. Tell them the truth and block them all. You’re not tearing her life apart, she is. It is technically her fault that she lied to everyone. She not only lied but she outed you, and after having some family harass you, she still didn’t tell them the truth and let more family harass you.
She is perpetuating the lies even knowing you know she’s lying, and she’s adding more lies – she’s now making them think things are your fault! This is 100% on her.
Write up a message that’s the truth, simple and honest and then block anyone who contacts you from her side of the family.”
Time To Make Good On Your Promise
“At this point, I’d personally go all in and show your work. The timeline of the affair, who did what, why you don’t have a relationship. The whole thing. You didn’t solicit these messages. They opened the door, time to make good on your promise.
Also, Hannah is 100% aware of and encouraging these messages or they wouldn’t be happening. Not the jerk.”
This Girl Sounds Unhinged
“Not the jerk. You should definitely tell them the truth and maybe see if it’s possible to get a restraining order, this girl sounds unhinged.
I speak from personal experience, my dad also had an affair daughter and she caused me and my brother a lot of trouble until dad got a restraining order against her (we were underage).
Where is your dad in all of this? He should go and talk to those people and ask them to stop harassing you.”
Give Her The Ultimatum Once More
“Not the jerk- You have warned her, and you have made it quite clear. Why should he be hounded for her own lies and guilt? Give her the ultimatum one more time, and should it continue, tell the truth only if it is not possible for you to block them all.”
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