While cursing can be a natural way to express our emotions, it is important to be mindful of where and when we do it. In some settings, such as public places or at home with young children, it is best to avoid cursing altogether. So, what to use instead that packs the same punch? We have some alternatives for you.
SON OF A MONKEY
“My wife always says, “Son of a monkey.” I don’t even know what it means.”
OH FARTS
“Had a call from a wrong number once. They said, “Hi Sarah?” I said “Sorry I think you have the wrong number,” they said “Oh farts” and hung up.”
HORSE FEATHERS
“My Mormon father never swore his whole life, even in the military. When he was angry, he’d usually shout: HORSE FEATHERS!”
SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT
“Son of a motherless goat”
GOT DANDRUFF SOME OF IT ITCHES
My friend was helping me work on my car and the wrench slipped and he punched the frame and he yelled “GOT DANDRUFF SOME OF IT ITCHES”
HOCKEN BOCKEN
“I worked with a very religious, endlessly positive old guy. He’d walk in at 6 am in the dead of winter and say something like “ah, another beautiful day!” That might have been the painkillers, but that’s another story.
I can’t remember what happened, but he walked in the door, raised his voice, and said “Hot dang, son of a bee, bocken hocken”
The diet curse words weren’t doing it for him so he had to come up with a couple new ones ”
SON OF A BISCUIT
“I use that one frequently. My coworker, who I adore, just says “son of a bad word”…and I crack up every time she does it.”
FART IN A MITTEN
“Fart in a mitten. – I don’t know what it means but my old coworker said it all the time when upset.”
SON OF A COW IS A CALF
“I hit my head on a ceiling fan and exclaimed, “Son of a cow … is a calf.” My wife tried VERY hard not to laugh.”
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR
“‘Shut the front door’ always gets me.”
BACK THE TRUCK UP
“Back the truck up”, similarly so.
BARNACLES
“At my house, we yell BARNACLES!”
HOLY FORKING SHIRT BALLS
“I really enjoyed the introduction of “Holy forking shirt balls” in The Good Place”
FIDDLESTICKS
“This reminds me of my hs teacher who kept saying “gosh darn.”
TARTER SAUCE
“In classic SpongeBob episodes, he’d either say “ah tarter-sauce.” Or “barnacles.” Bonus: “Fish paste!”
CHEESE AND CRACKERS
“Cheese and crackers” in place of jesus christ.
I use to always say “jeez”. And this girl I worked with would always respond “Cheese? I like cheese!”
FLIP YOU
“A friend once shouted ‘Flip you, you flipping flipper’ at me once I beat him in a hand of poker.”
FLIPPING FLIPPER
“You flipping flipper”
GOODNESS GRAVY
“My husband, who swears like the trucker he is, will say “goodness gravy!” because he heard some lady say it and thought it was hilarious.”
“I started saying “goodness gravy” because every time I said “goodness gracious” my SO would say “great balls of fire!”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.