An internet user took to the forum and asked, “Am I wrong for telling my daughter I won’t be paying for her college unless she attempts a relationship with my family?”
The Original Poster (OP) is a 38-year-old male. He was married to Lauren, a 39-year-old. Together, they had a 19-year-old daughter, Ariel.
They had Ariel when they were too young, which was a huge struggle. They moved into Lauren’s family, and OP was working multiple jobs. OP and Lauren were best friends through all this, but they ended their relationship when Ariel was 2.
What Happened Next
Lauren’s friend Tori told OP that Lauren had been messaging guys and that when they went out, Lauren would give out her number. OP checked Lauren’s phone and found it. OP asked for a divorce which irritated Lauren. She wanted to reconcile, but OP didn’t and got split custody.
What Did Lauren Do
Lauren made OP’s life difficult. Lauren badmouthed him, would miss pick-up times, and made decisions without discussing them with OP. Lauren’s dad offered money to relinquish custody, but OP denied it.
Ariel is now 19 years old and just starting college. The deal was that both parents (OP and Lauren) would split the cost of it.
What Did Lauren Do?
OP remarried Tori (Lauren’s friend) when Ariel was 6. Tori was supportive during the divorce, but they didn’t start dating for two years.
Lauren used that to turn Ariel against Tori and OP’s son, who was 13 years old. Ariel would exclude them and only talk to her father (OP) or retreat to her room when the family was together. Their son walked to the basement whenever she came over. It used to hurt OP a lot.
What Did OP Do
OP had spent thousands on therapy to deal with the situation.
Despite this, Ariel continued to behave rudely towards Tori and her half-brother. Lauren convinced Ariel that OP cheated with her friend and had a baby even though the timelines didn’t match.
OP had done everything, including family time, individual time, and therapy. Ariel was rude to OP’s family, and they were done trying.
What Happened Now?
Ariel graduated from high school in May and hosted a party. OP was invited, but his family wasn’t. OP told Ariel that he found that disrespectful. So OP sent a card but didn’t go. She didn’t care, and they hadn’t spoken since.
OP got a call from Lauren saying she paid the first semester and was wondering when OP would be paying. OP said that he was no longer paying. OP wasn’t ready to pull any money out of his household when Ariel was disrespectful to 2/3rd of the members.
What Did OP Do
OP’s ex went off, saying they had an agreement. OP reminded her of when her dad tried to buy his custody and said, “you have what you’ve always wanted. Full control and custody. You won. So figure it out”.
Later OP texted her that he had been putting up with that disrespectful behavior for long enough. OP mentioned that Lauren got 18 years of child support, and that was it.
OP communicated that until Ariel took steps to correct her disrespectful behavior towards two-thirds of the household, the situation would no longer be tolerated and blocked Lauren.
What Happened When OP Communicated It To The Daughter?
OP called Ariel and told her the same, gave the reasons why he was not paying, and told her she needed to look into loans. But OP would pay for college if she at least tried to form a bond with his family because she created that situation with her attitude. OP stated that if Ariel wants their help, she needs to make an effort to resolve the problem.
She started crying. But OP didn’t fall for it. OP told her his expectations and asked her to let him know her plan so he could move the money around. OP’s wife was on his side but everyone else thinks OP is wrong.
So OP asks, “Am I wrong for telling my daughter I won’t be paying for her college unless she attempts a relationship with my family?”
What do People Have To Say?
A user said, “You are not wrong, his daughter treats him like an ATM while disrespecting him. What’s worse is she wants him to pay for college, with money from him and his new wife, whom she treats like sh… Like it or not, they are family; if she refuses to be a part of that family, she has no right to additional support.
She can’t have it both ways. He paid child support and ensured she was taken care of growing up. She is now an adult and has to deal with the consequences of her actions. For everyone who said anything other than not a jerk, you all know you would do the same thing in OP’s shoes.”
What Do You Think
Do you agree with him? Was it inappropriate for Ariel to be so disrespectful towards OP’s family? Was OP right in expecting Ariel to have a bond (or at least try to) with his family? What would you do in this situation?
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This article originally appeared here.