Mothers can sometimes be controlling, and while this is not always a bad thing, it can cross a line when it becomes harmful to the child. A woman asks, Am I a jerk for not allowing my ex-husband to cut our daughter’s hair and “giving him no say in his daughter’s problem”? We want to hear from you. 


Young hispanic woman isolated on purple background tired and very sleepy keeping hand on head.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

The Original Poster’s (OP) ex-husband and she split ten years ago. They have a 16-year-old daughter, Brooke.

She’s mixed race (OP’s black, and her ex is white). Because of this, Brooke has always had trouble styling her hair, so she kept it relatively short. A couple of years ago, OP heard about the curly girl method, and since using some of those principles, Brooke was able to get her hair styled properly and make it look good, so she’s grown it out since then.

What Does Brooke’s Hair Exactly Look Like?

Nice young couple screaming at each other
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP says, “I don’t feel comfortable posting pictures of her on an anonymous site like this, but for an idea of how it looks style and lengthwise, here is a [reference picture].”

Brooke puts a lot of work in to get this result, and while it does require a lot of product and time, OP is okay with that. Her ex, however, doesn’t want to spend the money on hair care products so when she is at his house, she doesn’t use them. 

OP says, “That was fine because he only has her on alternating weekends, but I recently went on a vacation with some friends, and she stayed with him for 2 weeks.”

What Happened After 2 Weeks?

Photo portrait of lovely young lady scream shout offended frowning wear trendy white garment isolated on blue color background.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

After the 2 weeks, OP’s ex texted her and asked for permission to cut Brooke’s hair short. OP was confused because she never indicated wanting to do that, so she asked him why. 

He Said It Looks Awful

OOPS Self portrait of cute, trendy and shocked woman with bun hairdo wide open eyes mouth shooting selfie on front camera isolated on red background.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

He said that her hair looked awful, and she was refusing to take care of it, wash it, or use any products in it. That also struck OP as odd, so she asked what products he meant, and he sent her a picture of some cheap Walmart shampoo and hair gel. He said he made her brush it, but it looked even worse. 

What Does OP Say

Woman surprise holds cheeks by hand. Expressive facial expressions
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

OP says, “I told him that he was an idiot. The cheap Walmart hair crap fries her hair, hair gel doesn’t work with her hair, and of course, it looked bad when she brushed it; that’s what happens when you brush curly hair.

I gave him a list of the products she uses and told him to go to buy them so she can take care of her hair, but he refused, saying they were way too expensive and that he wanted to have her hair cut short because “clearly that’s the only length she can handle.”

To Be Continued On Social Media

Image Credit: Makistock, ShutterStock

He made a Facebook post about how OP was enabling her daughter to “look like a bum” and not letting him “fix the problem.” A lot of his family and some of her family that still keep in touch with him told OP that she needed to accept that Brooke is his daughter too, and he gets a say in things. 

OP says, “I’m sticking by my choice, and I’m not going to let him cut Brooke’s hair off unless she tells me that’s what she wants to do.”

Some More Context

Image Credits: sergey causelove, Shutterstock

OP later edited the post to add, “It seems I didn’t do a great job explaining that Brooke doesn’t want to cut her hair, and I’m defending her, not saying she has to keep it. If she wanted to cut it, she could, but my ex wants to.”

Is OP a jerk for not allowing her ex to cut her daughter’s hair? Let’s find out what people had to say about it.

She Could’ve Carried The Hair Products With Her

Image Credits: ivan_kislitsin, Shutterstock

“Why is Brooke not allowed to take her hair care products with her when she visits him?   Whenever I spend the night somewhere, I take my personal care products.   Make-up, hair, and skincare.”

“Why didn’t you send the necessary products with her when she went to visit for 2 weeks? Then she could have taken care of her hair?”

Let Brooke Decide 

Casual bored brunette girl in red top with hands crossed tiredly posing on camera over yellow background. Not interested expression
Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

“The only person who gets a say about Brooke’s hair is Brooke. I would suggest she takes her hair products with her if he doesn’t buy some for her. Your ex needs education regarding hair care,” said one. 

“She’s freaking 16! If she were 4 maybe he would have a point, but he’s such a jerk for controlling a sixteen-year-old’s hair!” another added. 

Thank You For Defending Her

Young hispanic woman standing over isolated background afraid and shocked with surprise and amazed expression, fear and excited face.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“At 16, she’s more than capable of deciding her hair length – she’s the only one that should have a say.  It would be so traumatic to be forced into a hairstyle you don’t want.  Good for you for protecting your daughter.”

Show Him The Reality, Maybe?

Embarrassed young woman covering her mouth with her hand to stifle her giggles or hide her shock
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Comment with photos of her hair showing how it looks with the correct products. Is there a reason she could not pack her hair products when she goes to his house? He’s acting like she is 7, not 17!”

Your Ex Is Acting Weird & Ridiculous 

Tired businesswoman sitting at her workplace in office
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Your ex is ridiculous. Brooke is 16 years old. It should be her decision what to do with her hair. It’s not like she’s asking to die a rainbow or get a Mohawk. She needs the correct products for natural curls. She is there so infrequently that one set of whatever she needs should last a long time. I’m a little worried he might drag her to a salon and try to have it done anyway since he’s so up in arms about it. I’d talk to Brooke to ensure she understands she doesn’t have to cut her hair.”

He Could’ve Found A Sensible Solution

young upset woman with mess around
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

“Well, from OP’s comments, it looks like the plan WAS for Brooke to take the products, but she forgot. It’s a perfectly reasonable human mistake. If dad cares so much about what his daughter’s hair looks like, he could 

  1. Drive Brooke to OP’s house to get the products, or
  2. Buy them himself. 

Chopping off Brooke’s hair when she doesn’t want to should never have even been an option with a good parent. You bring up medication in another comment- if your child forgot their meds, you’d either drive to get them back or order more from the pharmacy. OP’s not the jerk; stop blaming them for their ex’s laziness.”

More From Mrs Daaku Studio

Image Credits: Deposit Photos

He Took Care of His Daughter For Two Weeks While Wife Was Away. Says, “For all the work that I did, the one tiny mistake I made, and she slammed for after 2 weeks.” Is He Right? 

Read more to know what happened.

He REFUSED To Let The Passenger In Front of Him To Recline Her Seat on a Flight. She Calls Him A Jerk. Is This Justified?

Tired blonde casual caucasian lady napping on uncomfortable seat while traveling by airplane. Commercial transportation by planes.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

He refused to let the passenger in front of him recline the seat. She gets irritated, but we think she is the one who is wrong. You decide. Read here. 

She REFUSED To Pay Her Friend $7000 For Her Share of Trip To Italy. We Think She Did Right.

Image Credits: Deposit Photos.

She REFUSED To Pay Her Friend $7000 For Her Share of Trip To Italy. We Think She Did Right. Read here

He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance & 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right

Portrait of an annoyed woman
Image Credit; Deposit Photos

He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance & 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right. 

Read more.

He Took His friend’s Wallet By Mistake and REFUSED To Return It When Asked. Thinks His Friend Is A Jerk, Not Him. Did He Go Too Far?

portrait of handsome young asian man dobting
Image Credit; Deposit Photos

He Took His Friends Wallet By Mistake, and REFUSED To Return It When Asked. Thinks His Friend Is A Jerk, Not Him. Did He Go Too Far?  Read here.

This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio

Similar Posts