How’d you feel if your parents forcefully made one of your exes a part of your family when you’re uncomfortable?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my future SIL that I will not be going anywhere and she needs to learn to live with it?”. Read on to know what exactly happened!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) dated Max in high school for around a year. OP’s family life was awful, and Max’s parents helped her at that time. After the breakup, they didn’t cut OP off even though OP knows it caused some issues with Max.
LONG STORY SHORT
When OP was kicked out at 17, Max’s parents took her in.
“Long story short, I see them as my parents, and they see me as their kid. I am close to their daughters and have been attending family events for a few years now.”, says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY?
Max is getting married to Cindy. She (OP) had met her a few times before, and previously, OP thought she was okay. Yesterday, OP was getting some mac and cheese at the youngest birthday celebration when Cindy came over and asked what she was doing.
CINDY APPROACHES OP
She (OP) told Cindy she was getting mac and cheese, and she (Cindy) got angry. She went on a massive tangent about trying to win back Max and how OP is not part of the family. That OP should get her own family since she is not needed anymore.
WHAT DID OP TELL CINDY?
OP told her she’s not going anywhere and she (Cindy) needs to live with it. That OP has been part of this family for ten years. Cindy ran off after that.
THE FINAL FUSS
“I am getting texts from Max that I am a huge jerk and need to apologize. The rest are staying neutral, and the youngest is annoyed at Cindy.”, says OP.
SOME MORE CONTEXT
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“I am part of the family. I call them Mom and Dad. They tell me I am their kid. The sisters refer to me as their sister. Not all families are born. Also, I have talked to Max before; we had a heart-to-heart when I moved in, and I thought we were good. We have been fine all this time until this happened.”
Is OP a jerk?
YOU’RE THE JERK HERE
“You’re the jerk. Poor Max. I imagine he was extremely uncomfortable with all of this. His high school ex abducted his family. I’d be fuming if I were Cindy. I would be interested to see what happens when she marries Max; there is no way you’ll be invited. I hope you don’t kick up a fuss about it.”
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAMILY
“You’re the jerk. OP, this is not your family; you are just causing problems for your ex’s family. They are staying neutral, as they feel bad for cutting you off, but they agree that you need to go. If I were Max, I would tell them if they continue to engage with you, I will no longer see them.”
HAVE A DISCUSSION LIKE ADULTS
“Everyone’s in the wrong. Have you ever talked to Max about all of this? His parents may treat you like their own, and you may call them mom and dad, but does Max see you as a sister or an ex-girlfriend? You say Sister-In-Law (SIL), but that is not the case. You and Max are not related. You all need to sit down and have a discussion like adults.”
THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS WEIRD
“Yeah, this whole situation is weird. The parents are weird. I’m not surprised she’s upset. Having your boyfriend’s ex hang around all the time screams poor parental boundaries, and I feel bad for Max being deprioritized.
I don’t see this being resolved soon; in the worst case, this alienates Max from his family. I’d probably start trying to build some bonds of your own away from this group because it’s only going to get messier.”
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON
“His parents were lovely to take you in, and I understand the bond. But you are an adult now, and everyone seemed to gloss over Max’s feelings in this case. I can’t imagine how I would feel if forced to live with my ex and have them around when they’re grown enough to be independent.
This looks pretty complex, and while I say you’re the jerk, I am so sorry you even have to experience the sense of being a lone wolf. All in all, I understand Max and Cindy. Maybe it’s time to move on.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.