Who’d want to sort things out with an emotionally unstable relative who is more or less a freak?
The truth is, most people wouldn’t bother!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to reconcile with my grandmother?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (19 M) started having problems with his grandmother (70 F) a few years ago, which led to him cutting her off of his life.
GRANDMA’S USUAL TANTRUMS
OP’s grandmother has always had trouble with OP’s father (52 M), mainly because they are the same person in different bodies.
“However, she would often try to make me hate my family, saying stuff like everyone is against her, and she doesn’t deserve it, though she most certainly did,” says OP.
THE ATTENTION SEEKER
His (OP’s) grandmother would always try to fight every family member if she wasn’t in the spotlight. She was so jealous of OP’s other grandma and even began to say that she (the other grandma) cursed the food she served to them so they would prefer her.
“She would get agitated when we stayed at my grandma’s house to sleep, basically because it’s only a few streets away while she is in the city (I live in a town quite far from it).”, says OP.
THE UNFORGIVABLE FACT
OP’s grandma also believed that OP’s mother was trying to steal her son from her, even though OP’s mom always wanted them to have a good relationship.
But what OP can’t forgive is that she didn’t care when OP’s mother’s father almost died or the days OP’s father was in the hospital because of a heart attack, and still, she wanted to be the center of attention.
THE LAST STRAW
The worst thing she did, however, was self-harm herself to manipulate OP and his sister to stay with her more.
“Those days were traumatizing for both of us. Grandmother threw herself to the floor and started hitting herself, screaming that she was the worst and that’s why we didn’t love her. My father was there, screaming at her and telling us to stay and watch so we could see the kind of person she is”, says OP.
THE LINE WAS CROSSED
“That day, she crossed a line for me (my father as well, but that’s another story). Now that I think about that, I only saw her like that three times, I believe, while my sister had to stay months with her doing that, I can’t imagine how hard it was for her”, says OP.
FAST FORWARD TO TODAY
Fast forward to today, OP’s father contacted OP’s grandma because it was her birthday and told her OP would study in another city and that OP would visit her to say goodbye, even though he never said such a thing.
“He’s well aware that I don’t want to see her, but he still lied,” says OP.
WHAT NOW?
“Now he’s trying to make me have a good relationship with her and act like nothing happened, even though she has never apologized. I don’t want to and don’t want her in my life after all she did to my family. So, am I the jerk for not wanting to reconcile with her?” asks OP.
NOT THE JERK
“Not the jerk. You have every right to have or not have who you want in your life. It was extremely mature of you to make the decision to cut her out of your life for your own mental health.”
SHE SOUNDS LIKE A NARCISSIST
“Your grandmother sounds like a narcissist, and to be honest, I have one of those too. Your dad wants to feel less guilty about cutting his mother out by making his kids have a connection with her. This isn’t healthy, and you must discuss boundaries with your father. A healthy boundary leads to a healthy relationship.”
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY
“Don’t compromise your mental health for anyone, OP; you deserve to be happy and healthy. Stay strong to your convictions.”
KUDOS TO YOU
“Not the jerk. There’s a lot to unpack here, but the basic premise is that boundaries you place for people around you (in your life, strangers you meet, or people you choose not to have any contact with) are vitally important to your well-being. Kudos to you for recognizing this behavior and taking a stand. Your father, on the other hand, could learn a thing or two from you.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.