Some people can be busier than others, and some jobs make it difficult to make plans that often. Do you agree?
Well, even if you don’t, we want you to take a moment and help this person. A user approached the forum and asked, “Am I wrong for insisting my sister-in-law (SIL) visit us more when she is a busy resident doctor, and she says she can’t?”
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) sister-in-law is a resident physician who works long hours, often ranging from 60-80 hours per week. She also frequently works on weekends, sometimes even working both days.
Her residency is located seven hours away by car from where OP, OP’s husband, and their 1.5-year-old daughter live.
OP and Her Brother Are Close
OP and her brother were very close growing up and even lived in the same apartment and later in the same city. They have always been only 20-30 minutes away from each other.
Brother Moved 7 Hours Ago
After OP married and had a baby, her brother moved seven hours away to be with his fiancé, now wife. That was devastating for OP as she had always imagined her brother being close and involved as an uncle.
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What Happened Next?
OP’s sister-in-law worked long hours, typically from 6 am to 5:30 pm, six or seven days a week. However, she had some “golden weekends” with Saturday and Sunday off.
She usually had one per month and then had three weeks of vacation, never over the Christmas or New Year holidays.
What Does She Do
During that one weekend per month that OP’s sister-in-law had entirely off, she and OP’s brother usually stayed home because she needed to relax, or they drove two hours to visit her family.
For her three weeks of vacation, which she could only take one week at a time, they went on a one-week-long trip to Hawaii, a one-week-long trip to Cancun with her family, and then spent one week visiting her family two hours away.
They Have Visited OP Twice A Year
They have only visited OP and her family once or twice a year, saying that the drive is too difficult with her limited time off, and she gets too tired to make the trip. OP says, “But not too tired for Hawaii or Cancun?”
OP’s brother and sister-in-law frequently ask OP’s parents and OP to visit them during holidays when she has to work. She said they could at least be together, and her sister-in-law would join them every day after 5. However, it was challenging for OP to travel with her 1.5-year-old child. Their parents would have to split their time between visiting OP’s family and visiting the sister-in-law.
What Did OP Request For?
OP requested that her brother and sister-in-law visit them more often, even though she understood that her schedule was hectic and she had a heavy workload. However, when OP suggested that her brother visit alone, he refused.
What Did He Say
He stated that his wife needed him due to the mental strain of being a resident physician, citing the high depression rate among resident physicians. The brother called OP a jerk for her suggestion.
What Does OP Believe?
OP believes that it’s unfair for them to be the ones who always have to visit because they have a one-year-old child and both work full-time.
She felt her brother and sister-in-law should balance things better and try to visit them instead of just going on vacation. However, OP wonders if she is wrong for insisting on this.
You Lack Compassion
“You don’t have to travel to them if it’s too hard for you, but you come across as really judgmental and lacking in compassion for how they choose to spend their limited free time. Asking them to travel 7 hours each way for a visit on the rare Sat+Sun she has off is unreasonable – that would be 14 hours of driving for probably not even 24 hours of time together including sleep hours. You say they do make the trip about twice a year, and that seems reasonable given these circumstances.”
You Are A Jerk
“And the cheek of you to go so hard on SIL while you ungrateful being make your parents watch your child and not even allowing them to visit their son.. seriously I was reading this and started praying for your SIL.(AND I AM NOT RELIGIOUS PERSON!)”
She Can’t Balance Better
“Going to Hawaii and staying at a hotel is a relaxing vacation. Going to stay with family who has a child is not. Medical residency is gruelling. She can’t “balance better”.
You have the right to wish you spent more time with your brother. You do not have the right to expect it though, nor to tell other people how to spend their vacation time.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.