Is it unfair or insensitive to confront your parents about the amount they spent on your sister’s wedding? This situation prompts reflection on family dynamics and financial transparency.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for calling my parents out on how much they paid for my sister’s wedding?”. Read the entire story to know more.
BACKSTORY
The original poster ( OP ) (36M) got married six years ago to his wife.
His wife’s family was not well-off like him. When they announced their engagement, his parents gifted them 20k out of the blue for the wedding.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
They were shocked and so thankful. The money paid for his wife’s dress, his wife’s sibling’s wedding party outfits and makeup, and the venue/food.
SAVED MONEY EVEN FOR A HONEYMOON
They managed to have a small, beautiful wedding and even had 3k left for the honeymoon. He was beyond thankful for that money and knew that they would not have had their wedding without it.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
OP says that being able to pay for her family’s outfits and makeup helped lessen their financial burden.
Here is where he needs to ask if he was a jerk. His sister is getting married, and he just happened to be at his parent’s house and got into a wedding talk.
AN EXPENSIVE WEDDING
His sister was going on and on about all the plans. He came to find that his parents agreed to shell out 35k for the venue and cut her another check for an additional 20k for other expenses.
WHAT WAS OP’S THOUGHT?
His sister and her fiancé are both doctors. These expenses were outrageous to him because he has been married and knows it could be done significantly cheaper.
INQUIRED ABOUT WEDDING COST
OP went to his mom and asked why she allowed his sister to pick such an expensive venue, and there was time to find another one. He asked that they make their wedding work off 20k; how can she excuse his sister’s being 3x the cost?
WHAT DID HER MOM SAY?
He says that his parents are retired and in their late 60/early 70s. She told him that his sister’s future husband’s family were high-class people and had certain expectations.
HE WAS CONFUSED
He asked what that meant, and she said that they couldn’t be expected to have such a meager budget like his wedding.
IT HURTS HIM
He says that he was floored. He asked her if she thought 20k was a “meager budget” and what did that say about what she thought of his wife and her family.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP’s mom said he was making a big deal out of nothing. A woman’s family pays for the wedding, his sister is just having an expensive wedding, and it is none of his business.
OP’S FEELINGS
He says he agrees it is their money and they should spend how they want, but that high-class and meager budget comment has been eating at him since.
It seems to him like his mom is saying that his wife was lucky to get a wedding because her family is not well-off.
HE DIDN’T MENTION IT TO HIS WIFE
He says that he hasn’t mentioned this to his wife because she does have insecurities about how his parents feel about her, and it might hurt her.
OP asks if he is a jerk for calling out his parents about how much they are spending on her sister’s wedding.
OP’S UPDATE
OP updates that his parents did gift us the 20k when they said they wouldn’t be able to afford a big wedding, as his fiancé’s parents could not help.
They did not enter this engagement expecting a cash gift for the wedding. They planned to have a small wedding, and they had one without going into debt.
That would never have been possible without his parents. The other question as to whether he wants the additional 35k, OP says that he didn’t want it. He was making a point to his mom that it was so much for a wedding.
This sounds a bit like a cultural thing, and you did mention the bride’s parents paying for the wedding.
DON’T COMPARE YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR SISTER
“This would in part explain not wanting to appear cheap to the groom’s parents if they are financially better off.
Stop comparing your life to your sister’s. Don’t mention this to your wife.
Focus on being a loving, supportive husband and father. Not all wealth is financial.”
YOUR PARENTS ARE JERKS
“Not a jerk. They gave you less because they think your wife is low class. People here acting like you should be thankful to get anything from people like that? That’s even more messed up.”
YOU HAVE RECOGNISED IT
“Not a jerk for recognizing the disparity in your parent’s generosity to you and your sister due to their snobbery.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.