An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my mom she’s making me fat?”. Here’s the full story for context.
Backstory
A couple of years ago, Original Poster, OP (34F) lost her job due to the company she worked for going into financial trouble.
OP’s husband at the time didn’t work which caused them to struggle for money and eventually led to him abandoning OP and their 3 children (9F, 7F and 5M). Because of this, OP’s parents (65m and 64f) offered to let them move back in with them for a while.
What Happened After A Few Weeks?
Everything was fine, but after a few weeks, OP noticed that the food being given to them was both unhealthy and given in very large quantities.
OP didn’t want to offend her mom so instead of bringing it up with her, she offered to do some of the cooking instead. However, OP’s mom insisted it was all done by her because she ‘enjoys it’.
OP Obliged
Reluctantly, OP obliged and just thought “I’ll just leave most of it”. The problem is that she started offering anything OP didn’t eat to the children, who ALWAYS ate ALL of it since they didn’t realize how bad it was for them.
OP also didn’t want to discuss this with the children because she thinks creating a fear of gaining weight always does more harm than good.
A Year Later
This carried on for about a year before OP finally brought it up with her. OP had gained almost 50 pounds and is now almost obese, and 2 of the children are clinically obese now as well with the youngest still being firmly overweight.
All of them get a reasonable amount of exercise, but it makes little difference when they’re eating almost 3000 calories a day.
And Here Come The Sports Day
A few weeks ago, OP watched their school sports day and it was worrying how little they could run. The 2 girls couldn’t even run 100m and had to walk the final part.
What Did OP Do Next?
OP told her mom she had to stop giving them so much unhealthy food, but she snapped at OP and said OP should be grateful that she’s even letting them stay there.
OP hates conflict, so she ended up backing down, but OP feels really bad about the effect it’s having on her kids. Recently, the oldest has been trying to avoid sport at all costs since she doesn’t enjoy it with the extra weight.
“Am I a jerk for bringing it up with my mom?”, asks OP.
It Was Solely Your Responsibility
“You’re the jerk. How can you neglect your kid to the point they are obese and blame it on your mom?!? It was your responsibility to set boundaries. This is your fault, not your mom.”
Both Of You Did Wrong
“Everyone’s in the wrong here. Your mom because she’s causing the issue. You because you won’t stand up for your kid’s health.”
Moderation Is The Key
“All I see is a lot of excuses of why you & your kids have gained weight. Perhaps, Grandma is making loads of great food…..Moderation. Kids can be taught moderation.
You should be speaking to your kids’ pediatrician.”
Tell Her When You’re Full
“Your diet is your own responsibility. Your Mother is being nice, giving you a house to live in and not only that, cooking your meals.
If she is making too much food, don’t eat it all and claim you’re full and then in the future, she will give smaller portions. Don’t eat all the food, get fat, then blame her because she is feeding you the amount of food you are willingly eating.”
Stop Acting Defeated
“There are ways to discuss food and physical health without creating mental health issues in children.
Being an obese child leads to many many health issues (some of which could still be mental health issues).
Do some research, talk to your kids, talk to your mom. There are tactful ways of going about it, you just have to actually make the effort instead of acting defeated in this situation.”
Y’all Could Be In a Depression
“Umm wow, can’t believe how mean people are being in here.
First off, all 4 of you could be suffering from depression. I’m sure losing their dad and having to move in with grandparents has done a number on the kids (and you).
Second, while you are completely responsible for your own eating, I don’t see how you can be expected to compete with Grandma, giving the kids more food than they could ask for.
Your mom really needs to get on board with not overfeeding your kids and also should have more healthy options.
I feel for you. You are in a position that I’m sure you never imagined.
Your best bet is to try to come up with fun activities. Even just going to a playground every single day for an hour.
Hugs to you, and I hope things get better.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.