What would it be like if someone gave their child the same name as your child? Usually, you might not care, but here’s a situation where it felt really strange.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for calling my daughter’s father spineless and his girlfriend idiot over their name choice for their daughter?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
Backstory
A little bit of context for you all, the Original Poster (OP) ended up falling pregnant with her 10-year-old daughter during a drunken hook-up with a friend in her mid-20’s. Not the most glamorous or flattering truth but it’s the truth all the same.
“When we found out we decided to keep the child and co-parent while remaining friends. We were never a couple and we didn’t want to be one either.”, says OP.
Four Years Ago
Four years ago, OP’s child’s father began to date his longtime girlfriend and they moved in together last year. She fell pregnant and OP has been supportive to them both as much as she could be without crossing any lines.
OP has encouraged her daughter to help out whenever she’s staying with them during the pregnancy and to behave. OP has also made it clear that she wants the children to have a close relationship despite having different mothers.
What Does OP Say
“I’ve even said that if they were comfortable with it on nights I have my daughter, if they ever want time alone, I’ll babysit once they have the baby so my daughter can spend time with her sibling.”, says OP.
All in all, OP thought everything was great and she was excited for her daughter to have a sibling as she’s always wanted one but OP had no interest in having another child.
Three Days Ago
Three days ago, OP’s friend and his girlfriend had a daughter. They asked OP to bring her daughter to the hospital to meet her little sister yesterday alongside others in the family.
So OP did exactly that but when they introduced them to the baby, OP was shocked. They used OP’s daughter’s name. She didn’t seem to have any issue with this when she introduced the baby bold as brass.
What Does OP Say
“My friend seemed uncomfortable and wouldn’t look at me directly. I asked them what they were playing at, at which point my friend’s father said he’d take my daughter down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and left with her.”, says OP.
The Conversation Ahead
OP’s friend told OP to calm down and not overreact while his girlfriend told her she didn’t see the issue and it was a pretty name. OP asked them if they’d named the baby after OP’s daughter, trying to understand the logic here, but his girlfriend said that no it was just a pretty name she liked.
“I then asked if they planned to use a nickname or a middle name when addressing her on a daily basis and her response was that she didn’t see a need for that.”, says OP.
What Did OP Tell Them?
OP told them they were being ridiculous and that they couldn’t do this. OP then told his girlfriend that she found this frankly weird and told OP’s friend he was being spineless if he was happy to go along with this.
He tried to claim OP’s daughter could use a nickname or something but OP shut that down immediately asking why it was more reasonable for a girl who has used that name for a decade to shame her name compared to a baby who had no concept of what a name was yet.
The Final Fuss
His girlfriend told OP she was being a jerk talking to her like that after she just gave birth and asked the nurses to remove OP saying she was being disruptive.
“Maybe my temper is running a little too hot though and I was too harsh on her when she just gave birth. It’s just so weird.”, says OP.
Now OP wants to know if she is at fault in this situation.
Of Course It’s Weird!
“Not the jerk. From the outside, it sure reads like she wants to replace her partner’s affection for his first daughter with his new baby. Of course, it’s well planned and very weird.”
They Hid This For A Reason!
“Not the jerk. They hid this for a reason. He was embarrassed for a reason. The same FIRST and LAST name is going to cause both those girls a lifetime of issues, especially with the same father.
I usually would have a bit more sympathy for a woman who just gave birth but she seemed deliberately cold and cruel towards your daughter (her stepdaughter) to have done this.”
This Is A Move Full Of Hate
“Not the jerk. This is a calculated move on the part of the GF, and your daughter’s father is too spineless to stand up to her. While no name can be claimed, this is a move full of hate and spite.
I would tell your daughter’s father that you will be going for full custody of your daughter and taking him for child support because you can no longer trust him to do the right thing by your daughter, how can you trust that he wouldn’t allow his gf to treat your daughter poorly based on this behavior.
Obviously, his father agrees with you, that this name is not acceptable. I’m sorry but your daughter is never going to get treated right by her father’s girlfriend, she is already trying to replace your daughter by giving her daughter the same name.”
Here’s A Suggestion
“Not the jerk. I suggest you look into changing your daughter’s surname to your own surname (or at least suggest she can do it when she’s old enough). So at least they won’t have the same full name, and she can get some distance from her idiot father.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.