Would you think about ending your marriage if your spouse broke a promise you both made before getting married? An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for divorcing my wife for being a stay-at-home mother?”.

We need you to find out!


Young couple on a date at the cafe
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The Original Poster (OP) (M30) married his wife (F30) around five years ago. They had been dating since high school. OP loved how smart, ambitious, and driven she was.

“We bonded over academics and nerd stuff. We had both landed good jobs in the same city right after college.”, says OP. 


4. couple fight daughter
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Three years into marriage, they had their baby. OP and his wife had decided to send their child to daycare after six months. But when six months were up, OP’s wife refused to go to work and send their child to daycare. 

“Her argument was if I picked up more work, we could afford a single-income household. She will also be saving us money being a stay-at-home parent, and it was better for our child as well.”, says OP. 


Couple having argument
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OP refused. He thinks daycare is normal. If only he were working, he would have to work many hours, be exhausted, and not spend as much time with his child. 

“I said if she was scared about daycare, we could work different shifts to stay home with our baby. Like tag teams.”, says OP. 


Beautiful young caucasian woman wearing casual winter sweater disgusted expression, displeased and fearful doing disgust face because aversion reaction. with hands raised
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His (OP’s) wife refused his suggestion, saying that it does not work for her and that, as a mom, she needs to be with her baby all the time. 


Couple Fight And Quarrel. Man Arguing With Frustrated Woman
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This caused a massive fight between OP and his wife. She quit her job. She took care of the baby during OP’s work hours and wanted him to take care of cooking and dinner on weekdays. 

On weekends, he was expected to take care of cooking, cleaning, and baby care because a “stay-at-home mom deserves breaks too.”


Conflict between the man and the woman
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These dynamics made OP resent his wife. OP tried communicating many times. The load of bills, insane work hours, and inability to enjoy time with his baby deeply upset him. When OP was sure she would not listen to him, he filed for divorce. 


7. angry confused woman
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The court gave 50:50 custody, no alimony or child support since OP proved it was her own decision to stay home, which OP never agreed upon, and her career break was only around a year. 


looking angry, annoyed and frustrated screaming wtf or what’s wrong with you
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He (OP) moved back in with his parents, who had room for the baby. Meanwhile, OP’s ex-wife is struggling to live from paycheck to paycheck. OP’s baby stays with his mom when he works. 

OP’s mom offered his ex-wife the same, but she was so mad at OP that she refused and enrolled their baby in a daycare. “I refused to pay for it since she can just leave our kid with my mom,” says OP. 


Suprised young man standing isolated on white - copyspace
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“My ex-wife and her friends are calling me a jerk for divorcing her over being a stay-at-home mom and not providing any support. Am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


Closeup portrait, dazed, nerd young man with big glasses messed on face, open mouth, embarrassed, failed excuse me isolated white background. Negative human emotion face expression feeling
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“Not the jerk. Women don’t deserve more just because they are women. Sorry, ladies. A marriage needs to be equitable. 

Some days, one may only be able to give 20%, so the other should provide 80%. Other times, it’s a 50/50 split, and sometimes it’s 80/20 the other way around. Expecting your husband to work all day, continue working, and not have time to relax is unreasonable. 

A marriage doesn’t work if one always takes more than what’s given. Yes, child care is difficult, but taking away his ability to spend quality time with his kid is not right either.” 


Young, pretty woman with a funny facial expression is surprised and puzzled and raises her hands in confusion. Isolated on white background. Close-up.
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He deserves to be a stay-at-home father just as much as she would like to be a stay-at-home mom. It goes both ways. She expected more than he was willing to give, and he tried to compromise, but it wasn’t good enough. You mess around long enough, and you find out. 


portrait of attractive caucasian smiling woman with red glasses, isolated on white, studio
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“Not the jerk. Ex-wife messed around and found out. You can’t just make decisions like that in a marriage. It sounds like she got lazy after having the baby and didn’t want to work anymore.” 


Young caucasian woman isolated on pink background screaming to the sky, looking up, frustrated.
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“Not the jerk. You both agreed to six months, and your ex-wife changed her mind without considering how negatively it would affect you. Her selfishness and lack of compromise led to this situation.” 

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