In times of adversity, we all need the support of our loved ones. A supportive spouse is a source of comfort, strength, and guidance. They are there for us when we need them most, and they help us to weather the storm.

An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for flipping out on my husband via text after he let his phone die during a family emergency? We need you to find out. 


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 The Original Poster (OP) (34F) and her husband (35M) had a plan this weekend. He would be in another state over for a college reunion while she stayed home with their 1-year-old baby. 

All was fine until yesterday when OP got an unexpected call from her parents who also live out of state.

OP is a nurse so they were asking what they should do with her grandma who called them stating that she couldn’t feel her foot and that she was in excruciating pain. 

What Did OP Do?

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OP says, “I told them to take her to the ER immediately, and they said she couldn’t walk, so I told them to call an ambulance.” 

OP Called Her Husband

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OP called her husband right after, and the last update that she gave him before his party was that they were transferring her grandma to another hospital for emergency surgery for a life-threatening condition.

OP waited anxiously at home when the surgery took way longer than expected (>3 hours). Her husband hadn’t checked in at all. 

What Happened Next?

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Next, OP got a text from a number that she didn’t know was a drunk selfie of some guy and her husband, with zero context. OP texted her husband and said that she was worried sick about her grandma and didn’t appreciate getting texted drunk selfies from random people. Heard nothing. After an hour, OP texted the random number and asked if her husband’s phone had died, and he said “Yes with a laughing smiley”.

Here’s where OP thinks she might be the jerk, she texted back “Cool, my grandma is still in emergency surgery”. She never got a reply to this. 

4 Hours Later

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About 4 hours later, when OP’s grandma survived and was transferred to the ICU, she texted her husband about how much he had let her down.

This Turned Into A Fight

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This turned into a fight where he believed that he did no wrong because “She knew he was looking forward to this party for two months and he couldn’t do anything anyway”. 

Get, Set, Fight!

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OP blew up and told him how irresponsible it was for him to get drunk and let his phone die while she was alone with their baby during a family emergency. He apologized for not “checking in more” to which OP corrected that he didn’t check in at all (not even the next morning) and he says that he “Did his due diligence in making himself reachable” and OP said that a random number texting her a drunk selfie does not count as him telling her that his phone was dead and that’s how she should reach him.

What Did He Say

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He said the name of the bar in passing a few times but OP couldn’t remember the name and she did not know the name of his hotel.

He says OP’s just overreacting and it’s not a big deal because “it’s not like he could do anything from another state” and that he did no wrong, seeing his friends was important to him, and a lot of them he hasn’t seen in 15 years, and that he shouldn’t have to disrupt his plans to “cater to her”. 

What Does OP Think?

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OP says, “I didn’t ask him to take the next flight home, just be available or communicate that he wasn’t. I told him that I was afraid and that he could have at least checked to see if I was okay and that it also isn’t okay to let your phone die when someone else has your child even without an emergency. So, Am I a jerk for flipping out on him?”

Some More Context 

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OP later edited the post and added the following information:

“The emergency happened right before the party, so he was sober at that time and aware that the situation was touch and go. I called him immediately after I had my parents call 911.”

Your Husband Should Be Feeling Mortified

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“They are a family, he is a partner and a father first; the least he should have done is check in as soon as he knew what was happening and apologize for missing communication earlier. This is the minimum expectation for an adult partner with a small child at home.

You’re not the jerk. Wishing your grandma a speedy recovery. I can only imagine how alone and scared you must’ve felt and then the disrespectful drunk selfie on top of that. Your husband should feel mortified and needs to apologize and show support properly.”

All You Needed Was His Support 

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“While I can see that he couldn’t have done anything from another state, I can also see that it would have been nice of him to have let you know that his phone was dead and you can text his friend if you need him. Also to not hear from him the next morning is upsetting. Is it correct that he didn’t know if your grandma was ok or not before he went to bed? That is not really ok IMO. 

Your partner should care about you enough to check in, despite not being able to do anything for you. Sometimes “doing something” isn’t what’s needed, but instead being supportive.”

Weird Of Him To Be Able To Have A Great Time In A Situation Like This

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“A supportive partner is someone who checks in regularly during a stressful and scary situation like this. Also, there was the real chance your family would need to be with your grandmother. I honestly can’t imagine being able to get hammered and have a great time with old friends when I know my wife is home worried about our 1-year-old. To get a drunk selfie is incredibly disrespectful.” 

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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