Streaming services are a popular source of entertainment for many couples, but they can also be a source of conflict. An internet user asked, Am I a jerk for cancelling a couple of streaming services and telling my wife to get a job if she wants them back? We want to hear your views.
Backstory:
OP (32m) has been married to his wife (33F) for close to five years. They have two children (3m, 1.5f).
When they got married, they both had jobs. However maybe about a year after they were married, OP’s wife tearfully confessed to him that she was miserable at her job and wanted to quit.
She Told OP
She told OP that her boss was treating her like garbage and that she woke up every morning wanting to vomit. She legitimately seemed dejected and so OP told her to quit and find another job where she would be treated better.
What Happened After OP’s Wife Quit Her Job?
She quit. OP expected her to go out and start looking for something else but she didn’t seem too eager.
Whenever OP gently brought it up, she responded, “I’m just trying to figure out my next move. Stop pressuring me.” Not long after she got pregnant with their son, and then while he was still very young, she got pregnant with their daughter.
Few Months After Their Daughter Was Born
A few months after their daughter was born, when OP asked his wife what her plans were job-wise she finally just said “I don’t want to go back to work.
You make enough for us to get by. Just let me be a wife and mother.”OP told her that he was concerned that he \*doesn’t\* actually make enough to give their family as good of a life as he’d like but she insisted that they can make it work.
OP’s Confession
OP says, “I have to admit; she’s probably a model homemaker and mom. When I wake up for work in the morning, there is always freshly brewed coffee and breakfast waiting for me.
The house is always clean and other than yard work and repairs I basically don’t have to do anything around the house. And she is a great mother to our kids. I am quite lucky in many ways.”
The Problem
However, money is WAY tighter than OP would like. They are barely saving anything and he’s not even able to meet his employer’s match on his 401K in order to have enough for them to get by.
They are living lean; eating beans and rice for dinner a couple of times a week, etc. He doesn’t feel as if he signed up for this. They were both working when they got married and OP never thought they’d have to live on just his income.
OP has tried to talk to her about going back to work–even part-time–to help their financial situation several times but she just won’t hear it.
What Happened Recently?
Recently, when OP was going through their expenses, he saw that they were signed up for five streaming services.
What Did He Say
OP says, “I kept Hulu and Netflix because they had more child-based programming for our son and our daughter when she gets a little older but cancelled HBO and Discovery Plus because they are pretty exclusively for adults.
I kept Shudder because it’s cheap and I like horror. When I told my wife about it, she got angry and said that I should have talked to her first; that she had shows she was watching on both of the services I’d cancelled. I just responded, “Well, get a job and you can pay for them then.”
She hated that. OP thinks it was fair but she obviously doesn’t see it that way. Is OP the jerk here?
Know That Childcare Is Expensive
“Not the jerk but keep in mind childcare is expensive. If she goes to work chances are one salary will be eaten up by childcare.” Said one.
“This was exactly what happened when my brother and I were little. Both of my parents worked, but my mom’s salary basically all went to childcare. So she quit and was a SAHM for a while.” Another added.
You Both Need To Stop Playing Chickens With Your Life
“Everyone’s wrong here. The wife is awful for just deciding to perpetually be a stay-at-home parent regardless of what you feel or whether is in the best interests of the family. You are awful for acting like you have sole control of all spending and can use that as leverage to bully her.
Both of you need to learn how to make decisions together rather than playing chicken with your lives.
Your Delivery Needs Work
“Not the jerk but your delivery needs work. Just tell her that expenses need to be cut and you started with easy ones hoping to avoid drastic ones like food or heat. Make sure she is aware of what your family budget is really like so she has an understanding of what you are doing. Explain that you are one disaster away from financial ruin.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.