When staying together as a family, it is common to get into arguments. But is it good to insult one another with harsh words?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for calling my sister-in-law and brother whores after my sister-in-law insulted both my wife and me?”
BACK STORY
The original poster ( OP ) [47M]and his wife [34F] are staying with his parents [72F & 71M], grandma [90F], older brother [50M], brother-in-law [48M], their kids [10F & 7M], younger brother [40M], sister-in-law [38F], and their kids [9M, 7F, & 4M] at a beach house they rented for two weeks.
OP says that he does not get along with his younger brother (“Tod”), and he does not like his sister-in-law (“Anne”).
HE LOVES HIS NIECE AND NEPHEWS
OP says that he is civil with them, and while OP doesn’t see them often, he does love his niece and nephews.
Yesterday, OP’s wife (“Alice”) and OP were babysitting all of their nieces and nephews while OP’s grandma napped, and everyone else went to see a movie. Alice and OP baked cookies for everyone to eat.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
They had baked them later in the evening, and Anne (who works as a personal trainer) told her kids that they couldn’t have any.
OP says that the kids were upset, of course (especially since their cousins were allowed cookies), but Anne was insistent that they weren’t allowed any at the time.
OP addressed that Anne and Tod are generally quite strict with the kids’ diets (none of them have any food allergies), and to OP’s recollection, they have only been allowed a popsicle once that past week.
THEY GAVE COOKIES TO KIDS
OP says that while everyone was out, one of the kids asked Alice if they could have cookies, so they gave them all some cookies to enjoy.
When everyone came home, Anne asked the kids what they had done, and one of them mentioned that they had given them cookies.
OP says that Anne then told them to play on the beach, where they were watched by OP’s older brother and brother-in-law and were joined by their cousins.
ANNE GOT MAD
OP says that Anne proceeded to get very mad. She started off just saying that they shouldn’t have given them cookies because she hadn’t said they could have them.
Alice started to apologize and say that they just wanted to let them enjoy their vacation, but Anne interrupted her and told her that “she didn’t trust a fat person with health.”
OP TOLD HER TO SHUT UP, AND THE ARGUMENT STARTED
OP says he was absolutely livid and told her to shut up.
He added that the argument spiraled from there, and at one point, Anne said she should never have trusted two “psychos” with her kids (Alice and OP met in a therapy group 11 years ago after they were discharged from the hospital for mental health concerns – OP would like to emphasize that they weren’t there for anything that would ever even imply that they would put anyone else in danger).
OP USED HARSH WORDS
OP says that he told Anne that it was rich for two whores to think that they could ever raise morally-healthy kids (Anne was originally Tod’s “best friend’s” wife, but the two had an affair, during which their oldest child was conceived, then Anne and her husband had what sounds like a rather messy divorce).
ANNE STARTED CRYING
OP says that Anne then started crying and left, and their family is a bit divided over this.
OP admits that he realized that he was very harsh, but so was she, and he did not think it was her place to dish out what she couldn’t take.
OP asks if he is a jerk.
YOU STARTED THE ISSUE
“You knew the kids couldn’t have cookies, so you deliberately stepped all over their boundaries.
Anne attacked you personally, which is out of bounds. You responded with your own immature insults. But let’s face it – this started with you not respecting their boundary as parents.”
BOTH ARE JERKS
“Obviously, Anna is a jerk for starting the insults
You and your wife more so for feeding her kids something you know she said not to – she was half right; you proved that she couldn’t trust you with her kids.
Yes, it was just a cookie – this time, but now she knows that if you feel like it, you’ll go against her rules for her kids.”
SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THERAPY
I guess I’m in the vast minority, but I would say NTA. Anne went way too low over a couple of cookies. I get most people’s point that a parent gets to decide what their children eat. Still, I’ve seen too many people who are health nuts force that lifestyle on their children to an abusive degree.
If the reaction to a few cookies is to call people fat, It sounds like the kids are probably getting that same reaction from her at home if they indulge in the occasional sweet.
Also, if you’re gonna throw stones from your glass house, be ready for retaliation. If a couple of cookies on vacation is a wild and awful violation of trust, then this lady needs to go to therapy.
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.