Service workers are human beings, and they deserve to be treated with respect. An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for telling my waitress’s manager she did a great job? We need to know your take on the matter.
Backstory:
“I got called a jerk for it, so now I have come here out of curiosity for you fine people to help settle the disagreement,” says OP.
What Happened
OP met a girl online and they clicked, and have gone on a couple of dates. Two nights ago was their third date and OP was treating her to dinner at a local burger place in the city.
OP says, “Nothing fancy, I just wanted some good conversation over a tasty meal.”
A Bit About OP’s Date
This girl is a knockout, has the rare quality of being a great listener, and isn’t obsessed with herself.
She’s funny, charming, and smart. They had had several great dates and OP was getting close to asking her to be his girlfriend. She is also the one who called OP a jerk before the night was done (not her exact words, but we’ll get there.)
The Waitress’s Entry
According to OP, their waitress for dinner was great.
“Actually enthusiastic and friendly, on point with the refills, and just top-notch service all around. At one point in the evening, she did spill a partially-full glass of water on our table, but it wasn’t really her fault because she had gotten bumped into, and she was very quick to apologize and wipe the table dry with a smile on her face, so if anything that was a point in her column,” says OP.
What Happened At The End Of The Meal?
At the end of the meal, their waitress brought the check and OP told her he would like to speak with her manager.
What Else Did He Do
She asked if there was something wrong, and OP calmly repeated that he would like to speak with her manager and could she please go get him.
A Few Moments Later
She leaves and reappears with the manager a few moments later, and OP proceeded to tell him that they had gotten *excellent* service that night, and that (her name) was one of their best. He thanked OP for the feedback and she also looked very happy at the compliment and thanked OP.
Plot Twist
The only one who is not happy was OP’s date.
She said, “If that was supposed to impress me, it didn’t.” and said that OP was full of himself. She didn’t say much else as they gathered their things to leave and there was no kiss at the door that night. OP texted her saying he was sorry for whatever he did wrong and that he’d like to see her again soon, but so far no response.
You Were Showboating
“Yikes. The non-jerky way to do what you did would be to say “Excuse me, I’d love to give some positive feedback to your manager if they are available,” not dangle the idea that you were going to make a complaint in front of that poor minimum wage worker’s face.
You were showboating. It was more of a stunt than a genuine compliment and I wouldn’t be impressed either if I was your date.”
That’s Straight Up Nasty
“How manipulative. What a nasty way to treat someone you apparently wanted to compliment.” Said one.
“Came to the comments to say this. It is classic manipulation to make someone afraid they’re in trouble or fear that you’re angry at them only to give them a sense of relief by “revealing” that they’re not in trouble. I work with abuse victim-survivors and I hear examples of this all the time.
It’s one way an abuser undermines and ties a victim’s confidence to the buyer’s personal approval. ” Another added.
A Simple “Thank You” Along With A Generous Tip Would’ve Been Enough
“That’s what a tip is for. If I had been on a date and the guy did that…yeah, I wouldn’t call him a jerk but I would be seriously dubious about that guy. You temporarily stressed out your server and then took up the manager’s time just so you could give her a compliment….when you could have just said “thank you for the great service” and left a generous tip.”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs Daaku Studio.