If someone I had recently started dating asked me for financial help and then blamed me for not understanding their feelings when I found a middle ground solution, I would be concerned. This type of behavior could be a sign of financial abuse or manipulation.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not supporting my girlfriend financially?”. Here’s the full story for you to decide.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (24M) has been in a relationship with his first girlfriend (29F) for about a month now (OP knows her roughly since the middle of April) and she struggles financially to take care of her mental health.
She is currently without a job while OP just finished his master’s degree last year and now has a job at a big firm that pays very well for his age.
What Did OP’s Girlfriend Tell Him Today?
OP’s girlfriend told OP today that she has no money left for the rest of the month and asked him to lend her money so that she can buy groceries and really has no options left.
She Spends On Stuff She Wants
OP knows that she tends to spend money on stuff she wants instead of stuff she needs (like clothing or cosmetics over food) and because of this OP felt uncomfortable just giving her money.
So they agreed on a compromise. She suggested that they go shopping together and OP just pays for the groceries.
What Happened A Few Hours Later?
A few hours later, OP’s girlfriend calls him and says that she talked with her friends about the situation and is now annoyed at OP that he “Treats her like a child who can’t take care of herself” (real quote).
She also thinks OP is a jerk because he forced that on her and makes her feel bad because he’s going on vacation soon (OP worked a lot of overtime the last few months and wanted to relax, he also booked the vacation before he knew how much she is struggling currently).
The End
She also says that OP doesn’t understand how she feels and he doesn’t know the real world as he still lives with his mother (OP knows that and she knows OP is actively searching for his own place to rent right now).
“So I want to know, am I the jerk in this situation?”, asks OP.
You Came Up With A Reasonable Solution
“Not the jerk. It sounds like you came up with a solution that would make you feel more comfortable and still meet her needs. She just doesn’t like it because as you stated she probably wants to spend the money elsewhere.”
She Is Clearly Taking Advantage Of You
“Not the jerk. Please get out of this relationship. You don’t owe her grocery money. She is taking advantage of you.”
She Isn’t Your Financial Responsibility
“Not the jerk. You’ve only been seeing her a month, you took her grocery shopping which was very kind and helpful of you. She’s almost 30 and can’t work on a budget.
She’s a grown woman, not your financial responsibility.”
Run, Don’t Look Back!
“Why do you view this leech you’ve known for about a month as a GF? Maybe a hookup, but she is a woman who just wants your money and lifestyle.
You did the old, give the homeless person a sandwich instead of money so they actually get what they need and SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE NEEDS….. your money. Run, don’t look back.”
You Don’t HAVE To Take Responsibility Of Her Finances
“You’ve been dating for a month and you booked a vacation without her. You don’t know her well enough to make this your burden.
You’re not responsible for her finances, or her groceries, and you don’t have to justify your reasons for wanting a vacation.
Run. Fast.”
You Gotta Reconsider This Relationship
“Not the jerk. You’ve only been dating for a month, and she’s already reaching into your wallet. Please reconsider this relationship.”
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