Often, when you’re living with a partner, it becomes reasonably necessary for the two of you to find a middle-ground solution to almost everything. But what do you do when what you think is a ‘fair compromise’ is nothing but an unjustifiable deal in your partner’s eyes?
An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for using the home office room for gaming when my girlfriend used it for two days? We want you to decide.
Backstory
OP and his girlfriend live in an apartment with two bedrooms. The big one they sleep in, the small one they use as an office/gaming room.
OP Has a Desktop
OP has a vast desktop computer which he uses for home office and gaming once a week, while his girlfriend hooks up her work laptop to the screens and uses it for home office 2-3x a week.
The home office has one big desktop computer. This is OP’s personal computer he’d bought with his own money. He uses it for work and gaming. She has her work laptops. She does not use his desktop computer. She connects her work laptop to one of the monitors in there.
What Happened On Wednesday Evening?
Monday, she worked there for the home office. On Tuesday, OP used it for the home office and some gaming in the evening.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “Wednesday, again she used it for home office while I went to the office. She said she also wanted to use it in the evening to do more work, to which I said I wanted to use it to game tonight for a couple of hours.
For the past 3 weeks, I’ve spent all my time moving us into this house, while she’s been down due to medical issues. Finally, I have some free time again, and I haven’t been able to do any gaming for at least 1.5 months.”
How Does OP See It All?
Here’s how OP sees it:
They both had something we wanted to do. She wanted to do some extra work in the evening. He wanted to do some gaming for 1-2 hours. How could they best reach that goal for both of them where both of them get what they want?
She had a laptop, very easy to just take that to the living room/bedroom and he could’ve got her monitor for her so she could work anywhere she wanted.
Otherwise Would Be A Hassle
For OP to unplug the desktop and other accessories (keyboard, mouse, headset) would be a lot of hassle compared to the little work needed to set up her laptop anywhere in the apartment.
OP says “Keep in mind, moving into this place has drastically increased the standard of our living situation, as we used to live in a tiny one-room apartment 310 sq ft for a year, and we both quite enjoy having an office room. Usually, she’s the one that uses the room the most during the week due to her home office, while I tend to use it for gaming.
It’s been a little more gaming than usual for me lately, as I haven’t been able to do it for the past months due to life stresses. I ended up using it, and she got very angry, saying I was a selfish jerk, even though she was home in the room all day, and I ended up playing for 1.5 hours. Am I the jerk?”
What Did She Want To Finish
The work she wanted to do was to finish up a report that had to be done for the next day, she said it was important. OP still don’t see why it has to be done specifically in the office room when it can be done anywhere with a laptop.
Gaming Could’ve Waited
“You’re the jerk, work comes first, and you could just have waited for her to finish before starting your gaming. To avoid this in the future, maybe make a weekly schedule of who needs the room and at what hours.”
Come Up With A Schedule, Maybe?
“You knew her report had to be done for the next day. That takes priority over your gaming which isn’t time-sensitive, nor is it bringing in an income.
To avoid this happening in the future, perhaps devise a schedule on who wants to use the room and when? So you’re both happy and can prioritize properly.”
A Dedicated Work Space Has Got ‘Work Vibes’
“For many people, the best place to finish a work report is in a dedicated workspace. If I had a choice between the office and couch- I’d go office as it has limited distractions. Anywhere else is distracting.
Let me know how you go when she’s redundant due to not finishing work, but you’re nailing Minecraft ”
It Probably Wasn’t Unfair To Either Of You
“you have one room; somebody has to compromise. It’s not apparent from this situation alone if it was unfair to either of you. On the one hand, it’s work for her, so you could argue it takes priority. On the other hand, you need to game in that room while she can work in another room with the desktop.”
You Had A Pretty Reasonable Solution
“Not a jerk at all. You had a reasonable solution to set her up anywhere else with a screen and her laptop. It was a reasonable win-win solution exactly what me and hubby would have happily done.
Honestly, your logic was thoughtful and was a workable solution for everyone.”
You Both Acted Weirdly
“It sounds like she had a good workflow going and wanted to finish her essential report due the next day, but her reaction was a bit over the top.
Personally, work is more important, and I would’ve just waited til later that night or tomorrow to game, if you’d gone a month and a half, another day wouldn’t have killed you.”
Logic Says What?
“Let’s look at this logically:
If you get the office, you get to do what you want. She has a laptop, so she can do her work anywhere she can sit it’s called a LAP top for that reason. If she gets the office, you can’t do anything. Therefore, your way makes more sense from a logical standpoint.
And idk why everyone is saying otherwise when everyone wins by you getting the office for a few hours. I’d even go so far as to say ‘no jerks here’ if your girlfriend didn’t get so angry about it”
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This article originally appeared on Mrs. Daaku Studio.