Family conflicts can be difficult to manage, and it is okay to distance yourself from them if they are toxic.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for not sharing my inheritance with the rest of my family?”. Let’s read the complete story to know who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (25F) was engaged four years ago to her high school sweetheart. Her fiance cheated on her with her sister (28F).
HOW WAS HER RELATIONSHIP WITH SISTER?
She and her sister had never had a good relationship, even as kids, so after she found out, she scorched the earth for both of them.
Her sister was “so in love” with OP’s fiancé, but he dumped her within two weeks and was back trying to get her to forgive him but she didn’t forgive him.
WHAT DID THEIR PARENTS DO?
OP’s parents were initially on her side, but her sister had a nervous breakdown after she was dumped and hospitalized, so they changed their tune to “It’s over now, and you can’t be mad forever.”
WHAT DID OP DO?
So she dumped them, too, and went to graduation school on the other side of the country.
WHAT DID HER GRANDFATHER DO?
OP’s grandfather was livid with the whole thing, disowned her sister, and chewed out her parents. She says that sometimes, she feels like he was the only one who was on her side and understood.
SHE TOOK CARE OF HER GRANDFATHER
She was able to get her job to work remotely and moved back to take care of him when he got sick last fall, and she was devastated when he passed away a couple of months ago.
SHE MADE THINGS CLEAR
She added that she had been in limited contact with her parents since she came back, mostly because she didn’t want to be an obstacle to her dad seeing her grandfather, but with the understanding that any discussion of her sister or what happened would end that.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
It turns out that her grandfather left her virtually everything.
He left enough for her father to cover a debt and some token stuff for a couple of other relatives, but he wrote letters for everyone and did a videotape with his attorney explaining what his intentions were.
SHE WAS NOT AWARE
She says that she knew that he had done well for himself, but he lived a pre-simple lifestyle, so she didn’t realize how much money and assets he really had.
She added that she would give it all up to have her grandfather back, but even after paying taxes, it is set for life money.
WHAT WAS THE REASON FOR CUTTING OUT THEM?
Her parents are pretty mad about it. One of the reasons stated for cutting them out was how disappointed her grandfather was with how they had treated her growing up versus her sister and over the fiance debacle.
WHAT HER PARENTS WANT HER TO DO?
She says that there were other reasons, but that’s what they’re fixated on. The will is pretty airtight, apparently, so her parents want her to “do the right thing” and share it equally between her, them, and her sister.
WHAT DID OP FEEL?
She says that their argument is that she doesn’t need it.
She makes more than both of them combined, and this would allow them to retire. They say that her sister is not doing great and can’t hold a job, so this would ensure she has something for when her parents pass.
OP says that she doesn’t want to do that.
HER GRANDFATHER WAS CLEAR
Her grandfather’s wishes were crystal clear and she kind of doesn’t feel like doing more than the minimum for any of them.
WHAT’S OP’S THOUGHTS?
They’ve been telling her that I’m being vindictive because of a mistake years ago.
She added that she can’t deny there might be a little vindictiveness there. But she doesn’t want them to suffer necessarily, but she also doesn’t feel like they deserve her help.
Now OP wants to know if she is a jerk for doing this.
WALK AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY
“I’m so sorry your Pawpaw has gone. He sounds very loving and interesting by the way you speak about him here.
That said, set your family connections on fire and walk away. That’s what he would have wanted, and he granted you the means to do so. Walk tall, you’ve earned this.”
CUT THEM OFF
“Don’t share money with your truly terrible family. They don’t deserve it. Take a nice, long vacation. Cut them off completely.”
GET A LAWYER INVOLVED
“He left it to YOU for a reason! I’m sorry for everything you went through with your family; you may want to get a lawyer involved.”
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