An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for 100% refusing to let my dad/mom see my child for something done 10-15 years ago? Read on to know what happened exactly.
Backstory:
OP always had good grades in high school, was home on time, cleaned the house, etc. OP never had problems with her parents before this.
OP went to med school, still living with their parents when she was 20 and she dated someone who was 23.
OP’s Dad’s Stance On Her Dating Choices
OP’s dad was against this because he does not believe in dating people far older than yourself (don’t date far from your age) and told OP she cannot date J.
An argument breaks out; OP’s Dad says it’s his house, so either she agrees or she moves out. OP says it’s not fair as J has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc.
OP’s dad kicked her out. Mom agreed with his decision. Little bro was only 14 at the time.
What Did OP Do Next?
OP moved with J, his family was supportive, helped OP with her college (OP went to another college due to financial reasons), and finished her required years but still kept in touch with her lil bro.
OP says, “Years later, me and J (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (Like really small but I’m happy with it). I ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. I let my lil bro know that he could come to see her when he was able to. He came a few times.”
What Happened Today?
Today, OP’s bro came to see the baby and asked when she was going to let Mom and Dad see her since they wanted to reconnect.
What Did OP Say
OP said never and that she wasn’t going to forgive them. Bro says OP’s being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect her, OP said that’s stupidity because Dad shouldn’t have kicked her out over age.
Bro says she should at least let Mom come because she didn’t want to agree with it. OP says Mom was able to do something but didn’t, but that Bro’s situation was different because he was only 15.
What Is OP’s Bro Saying
OP’s bro is upset because he says her Mom and Dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that she is dragging this entire situation. OP told him that if he thinks she’s ‘dragging it out’ then he can stay out of her life too.
He’s angry and says that OP needs to move on and that she shouldn’t be withholding them from seeing THEIR grandchild. OP says that THEY disowned her and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn’t exist.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “I don’t hate my bro and I (kinda) get what he is saying, but I just have a resentment for my parents. It’s not like I had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks I’m going to go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it’s petty. I’m curious about what people think. I want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad. Am I the jerk?”
There Are Two Things To Consider
“Not the jerk. Two things;
23 isn’t too far away from 20. Holy molly. I feel like your parents just used that excuse to control you. It’s manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates.
You have every right to be angry. You have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn’t. If I were you, I’d tell your brother that this is YOUR kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained.”
They Owe You A Massive Apology
“If your parents want to reconcile they can reach out themselves, rather than sending a messenger. They owe you a massive apology. You’re not the one that’s “dying on this hill,” they’re the ones that haven’t made amends for their actions. They made a huge, life-altering mistake, and just because they regret it now doesn’t mean they don’t have to take responsibility for it.”
This Sounds Absurd
“They kicked you out for dating a guy three years older than you, which IMO is absurd. It sounds more like they wanted to control you and when they couldn’t they kicked you to the curb.
Since then it doesn’t sound like they have reached out and tried to make amends at all. Instead, your brother is giving you a guilt trip about it. What have they done that suggests they deserve a second chance?”
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