Wedding invitations are a traditional symbol of love, respect, and graciousness. But what if you find an invitation that comes with a list of ‘don’ts’ on the reverse side?
Someone recently asked the forum, Will I be the jerk for having a small “Please refrain from” section on the back of a wedding invitation? Let us know your take on the matter.
Backstory
OP (19M) plans to marry his gf (18F) later this year. Yes, he knows it’s young, but he’s not here to be judged for that. On to the issue:
They Finished Designs
They’ve recently finished designing their wedding invitations (or at least a first draft sort of thing) and mutually decided that it would be a good idea to include a couple of notes on the back about conduct.
What Did They Think
Two main factors play into this: the abundance of horror stories about people proposing or announcing their pregnancies at weddings and the other being that her parents are abusive narcissists who’ve proven themselves untrustworthy and selfish throughout their relationship.
The Wedding Instructions
At the bottom of the back side of the invite, they wrote something like “Out of courtesy, please refrain from the following: Marriage proposals or pregnancy announcements, excessive white or off-white attire, and photography during the ceremony” (they’ll have a photographer and phone photography is very obnoxious in this scenario).
What Was OP’s Mother’s Viewpoint?
They both felt that these were very reasonable rules. Still, upon showing the invitation to OP’s mother (60F), she found it offensive and called it alienating and “ungodly” (Christian household) to have these guidelines.
She says if she were one of the non-family recipients, she would consider not even coming due to just that. OP pointed out that not coming in that scenario would mean that she doesn’t agree with the rules, meaning they wouldn’t want her there anyway, but she said it’s not about the rules themselves but about putting them on the invite this way.
What Else Does She Feel
She feels that anyone that they are worried about as far as the above issues are concerned should be spoken to privately, but OP would like to avoid singling anyone out, which is why he’s also leaned against having two separate versions of the invite.
“Will I be the jerk for including these guidelines?” asks OP.
The Ones Who Don’t Care Will Do Those Things Anyway
“You’re asking for trouble. The people in your life who you feel need telling this are probably the sort that would read that and then go out of their way to do it.” Said one.
“I agree. People know all of these things. Those who choose to ignore will also choose to ignore the invitation. And if you have any giant jerks you are inviting, some will go out of their way to wear white, announce their pregnancy and Livestream the entire thing.” Another added.
Those Are Basic Etiquette
“Yes, you would be the jerk (well, you and your intended would be). Those are all basic etiquette rules for weddings. Anyone who reads those rules will think it was written in poor taste. The people who are the types who would break those rules WILL break them anyhow.”
Maybe Put A Small Sign Outside, Instead?
“Those are such standard expectations at a wedding that putting them on the invitations implies that you don’t believe your guests have common courtesy.
A small sign outside the ceremony venue asking people to refrain from taking photos or filming during the ceremony would be more acceptable; the other 2 really shouldn’t need to be announced unless your guests are exceptionally uncouth. You will be a jerk if you put that on your invites.”
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
Relationships can be complicated and you don’t want anyone to take you for granted. Read about this Boyfriend Who Refuses To Buy Food For His Girlfriend For Two Weeks When She Was Laid Off. Says “Don’t Want To Give Money For Nothing
He Kicked Out His Stepmom From Her House Over A PS4. We Think He Is Justified.
Relationships with stepmoms are complicated. Read about how He Kicked Out His Stepmom From Her House Over A PS4. We Think He Is Justified.
They Cancelled Their 10 yo Daughter’s Birthday Party Because She Didn’t Wash The Dishes. We’re SHOCKED and Think They’re Wrong
Can you believe this? They Cancelled Their 10 yo Daughter’s Birthday Party Because She Didn’t Wash The Dishes. We’re SHOCKED and Think They’re Wrong.
Future Mother-in-Law Refuses To Accommodate Her Dinner Requests For Christmas. She Walked Off, Went Home and Everyone Is Shocked
Read about this Future Mother-In-Law Refuses to Accommodate Her Dinner Requests For Christmas. She Walked Off, Went Home and Everyone Is Shocked.
Instead of Giving, Her Grandma “DEBTED” $14 In The Will. Netizens Thinks She Is Wrong, But We’re On Team Grandma
Grandma’s can be evil. Read Instead of Giving, Her Grandma “DEBTED” $14 In The Will. Netizens Thinks She Is Wrong, But We’re On Team Grandma.
This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.