Financial disputes often lead to family conflicts. However, it can be incredibly distressing when someone steals from you and then urges you to abandon materialism, primarily if your family doesn’t support your perspective.

 A user asked the forum, Am I wrong for holding a grudge against my brother for stealing money from me 16 years ago?


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The Original Poster (OP) is a female, 33 years old, and she has an older brother, Dan (36 years old). OP and Dan did not have the closest relationship as kids.  Their mom was a single mother, and their dad served a long sentence in prison, only to get out when the OP was 17 and Dan was 20. OP clearly says that they were really broke. 

Related: She Paid For The House, Car & Saving. He Refuses To Give Her Spending Money And He Thinks He Is Right.

OP Turns 16

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As soon as the OP turned 16, she worked in retail to contribute to the household and hopefully save up for the university. OP started saving up a sizeable amount of money after a year. In the same year, Dan got one of his coworkers pregnant. Shortly after the coworker gave birth, she was hospitalized multiple times with post-partum psychosis and eventually lost all custody of the baby.

Dan Took Custody

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Dan took custody of the OP, her mom, Dan, and the baby in a two-bedroom flat. Dan vented to the OP many times on how he needs to get his own place because it’s too crowded. Dan struggled for money as he worked a minimum-wage job and had a lot of baby expenses.

Related: He Refused To Get A Job And Pay Rent To His Parents. Gets Upset When His Dad Calls It Out. We Think He Is Right. 

What Did Dan Do Next?

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When OP was 17, Dan stole her debit card and bank details and withdrew all her savings of around £2K. Dan put the debit card back in OP’s wallet, left the house with the baby, and moved in with his new girlfriend. 

How Did OP Feel

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OP felt so betrayed that he would take something that she worked so hard for. OP’s mom told her that she was forbidden to go to the police for it and asked to let her go as Dan was struggling.  When OP was old enough to attend university, her dad gave her the money for expenses. OP had not spoken to Dan since the day he left, and Dan never attempted to talk to her either. 

Related: Sister Made Homemade Food For Everyone Except Her Brother’s Stepdaughter. We Think She Is Justified.

What Happened Last Week?

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Last week, OP’s mom tried to sneakily get her and Dan to meet up under the guise of a typical dinner at a restaurant, and he was in on it. OP made it clear that she didn’t want to meet Dan.

What Did Dan Say

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Dan told the OP to grow up and not hold a grudge forever. It was a long time ago; he was young and desperate and still OP’s brother. OP’s brother said it’s only money and OP shouldn’t be so materialistic. OP told him it’s the principle of it and that she is his younger sister and he stole something significant from her. Dan said that OP was dramatizing the situation and was in a rough patch, and surely OP could understand why he did it.

OP says no one in the family is on her side except her dad, and she is wondering if she is wrong and cold-hearted.

You Are NOT A Jerk

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“Not a jerk, if it’s only money then why doesn’t he just pay it back”

Its Stupid

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“It’s only money is stupid. Money is security. Food. Shelter. Everything. He should pay you back, with interest. Until then, he’s persona non grata.”

He Needs To Grow Up

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“Tell Dan HE needs to grow up, and be accountable for his actions. Being a grown up means apologizing and rectifying mistakes.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.

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