It is pretty obvious that he ruined her day by talking about their childhood. Is that his sister’s fault or his fault?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for embarrassing my sister at her engagement party by uncovering her lies about our childhood?”. Read till the end to know what exactly happened.
BACKSTORY
The previous day was the original poster’s (OP) sister’s (25F) engagement party.
He and his two brothers (one is 22, two of us are 21) have been on the other side of the US for the majority of 2023 and didn’t think they were going to be there for the party, but plans shifted, and they ended up arriving home last Wednesday.
He was not sure if he was invited so much as they simply happened to live where the event was being hosted because it was held in his parents’ house.
OP’s sister didn’t outright say she didn’t want them there, but they didn’t see much of her in the lead-up.
INTRODUCING THEMSELVES
They didn’t really know any of the people at the party, so they were going around introducing themselves to people, mingling, and doing the party thing.
At some point, someone mentioned the family photos on the wall and how they were surprised to see a ton of them on the wall when they didn’t even know my sister had siblings.
OP WAS CONFUSED
This sent OP down a whole rabbit hole of confusion. He says that that person elaborated and said she was surprised to see this type of photo on the wall because, apparently, his sister had told all of her friends that their parents were extreme workaholics.
They have a really nice house, so they weren’t surprised by that, just that it felt properly homey and lived in. Once again, OP was thrown for a loop. Growing up, their home was the house.
WHAT DID OP SAY ABOUT HIS PARENTS?
They had friends over constantly who were basically like extra siblings. OP’s parents worked the normal amount, and they were home with them as much as possible.
They got chauffeured around to sports practices, and their parents took the time to get to know all of their friends well, etc.
SISTER SEPARATED HERSELF
OP says that he would even go so far as to say as they were more involved in their lives than average. It was his sister who really separated herself from everyone and chose to exclude herself from activities.
THERE WAS A CROWD AROUND HIM
At some point during this conversation, a few other people overheard, and soon enough, there was a decent crowd of her friends around him and his brothers, listening to stories of them growing up that were blowing these people’s minds because it’s apparently common knowledge among their friend group that their parents were so hands-on, and uncommon knowledge that they even existed.
HOW DID OP FEEL?
OP ended up having a really good time and felt like he made some new friends.
After the event, his sister was crying because he embarrassed her in front of all of her friends, and the work she had put in to separate herself from us golden children had been undone. OP asks if he is a jerk.
NOT A JERK
“Not a jerk, but you need to really consider that your sister may have had a completely different experience of childhood than you and your brothers.
She’s got enough of an age difference that it’s possible that your parents were not hands-on with her as she went through things, only to show you and your brothers with attention when you passed the same milestones three years later.
That difference can be extremely painful for siblings who not only experience the lack of care but also are left to try to explain the difference in treatment.
It’s very weird that she omitted your existence, but it would not be surprising if she felt basically neglected even as you and your brothers felt showered with love.”
WHAT OP DID WAS NOT GOOD
“You are a jerk.
Something seems off if the oldest and only female child had a distinctly different memory of her childhood.
Further, after seeing that you were becoming a spectacle, you didn’t back off and returned the focus to her. You made it a party to get to know you and for you to make friends. At the same time, it sounds like you didn’t care about even talking with your sister.
Sounds like she was less favored due to your natural desire to make the spotlight about you, and you think your view of things is the right one.”
HER NEEDS MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN PRIORITIZED
“You are a jerk. What was the mileage in that? Are you sure these are lies, not just that she experienced childhood differently from you? Because her reaction suggests that’s the case.
She’s three years older, so she may have experienced v different treatments. Also, how much it is ‘normal’ to work is actually subjective; she may have felt that they worked a lot because her needs weren’t prioritized, whereas yours were. It doesn’t sound like her friends would have been over if you felt she separated herself.
You need to consider how likely it is that she randomly chose to isolate herself as a child vs that she felt out of place and not a priority.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.