How would you respond to someone who intervenes in your personal life and gives unsolicited advice on matters that are none of their business?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for what I (24m) said to my sister (27f) about minding her business?”. We need to know your take on the matter.
Backstory
This happened a while ago and the Original Poster, OP is still getting bashed for it, so he thinks he knows your answer, but maybe some explanation will help?
OP’s Fiance Left Him
So around 6 months ago, OP’s fiancé (they were together for around 7 years, but were friends before that) left him because she “realized” she never loved him and that he was “holding her back”.
What Did OP Do When His Fiance Left?
OP’s fiance was not interested in therapy, and OP is not in the habit of begging someone to stay, so he helped her pack and dropped her off at a hotel, which is what she wanted, and where she asked to be left.
What Happened A Month Ago?
About a month ago she called OP crying in the middle of the night to say that she had made a mistake and wanted to come “home”.
OP promptly hung up on her because he also firmly believed in the rule “Don’t let them tell you they don’t want you more than once.”
OP’s Family’s Take
OP’s family didn’t get the memo because, for a while after that, his family (particularly the older women) had been pressuring him to hear her out and even going so far as to tell him her “side” of the story, and how she had a breakdown and it didn’t have anything to do with OP.
“Blah blah blah, I don’t buy it.”, says OP.
When OP’s Sister Called OP
OP’s sister recently called him out of the blue and started talking to him about how OP doesn’t wanna be the reason for “anything bad”, so he should call and talk to his ex.
OP tried to brush it off, but she kept saying things like. “Well, you don’t want it to be your fault is all I’m saying…” and similar nonsense.
OP’s Insensitive Comment
OP didn’t like what she was implying so he admits he snapped, and said something not so nice.
Something kinda like: “Maybe you should worry about your own relationship, I mean, god knows it takes all of your mental fortitude to keep your pants on.”
Her Marriages Ended Due To Cheating
Which OP now thinks is bad because her first two marriages ended due to cheating on her end.
After a moment, she started crying on the phone and kept saying “I can’t believe you would say that” and “That’s so cruel, you don’t know what I went through!”.
What Next?
OP replied something like, “That’s why I usually stay out of it, you know? Try to mind my business?”
“Apparently that ‘isn’t even close’ to the same thing, and since then I’ve been getting yelled at by all the women in the family, but at least the ex-talk has ended. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
She Should’ve Known What She’s Getting Herself Into
“Not the jerk. You are not responsible for ‘anything bad’ happening. She got exactly what she asked of you. To tell someone you’ve been living life with for 7 years you never loved them and they were holding you back is pretty powerful.
‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t fix that broken trust for me. I would not be surprised if she already had a backup plan, that plan being another person, and it didn’t work out; now she realizes she took her life for granted and ended a good thing.
If this was your sister’s first attempt at sticking her toe into the situation, I can see why she’s so taken aback. But it sounds like all the women in your family are acting as a team, so she knew what she was getting herself into.”
You Did The Right Thing
“Not the jerk. If people want to pry and poke at your life like they have a right, then you have the right to make comments about theirs back.
Trying to guilt trip you because your ex has claimed she may harm herself, that’s not your fault. She left you and you quite reasonably don’t want her back.
Also, your sister should know there’s no excuse for cheating. If she gets bored so quickly, then maybe relationships aren’t her thing. It’s better to live free and hurt nobody than cheat and mess up lives.”
Comment Was Harsh But It Wasn’t Her Business
“Not the jerk. The comment was harsh but it’s not her business and you made it clear numerous times you don’t want to hear the ex out.
Not only that but the stuff she was implying sounded a lot like emotional blackmail. I’m on your side with this one, although I will say if your fiancé was perfectly normal until that moment she told you it was over it’s possible she did indeed have a breakdown, even then it doesn’t mean you have to take her back or hear her out that’s up to you and once your family saw you’re not interested in reconciliation they should’ve left it.”
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