Some people may exhibit judgmental behavior, even in subtle ways. Others may be self-critical and project their own insecurities onto others.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my friend that she shouldn’t wear a bikini to the pool?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.


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The Original Poster’s (OP’s) best friend was visiting OP this week and since it’s summer, they decided they wanted to go to the pool.

“She has been on antidepressants for the past two years which has made her gain a ton of weight. She used to be very slim and skinny like me but the medication has completely changed her body composition.”, says OP.

Bikini Vs. One Piece

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She brought a few bathing suits and was asking for OP’s opinion on them. She had a one-piece and a bikini she was deciding between.

She kept saying she looked too fat in the bikini and might wear the one piece, OP actually thought the one piece looked better but OP didn’t say anything because it was up to her.

OP’s Opinion, Followed By Her Friend Getting Triggered

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OP’s friend modeled both for OP and asked for her opinion. All OP said was “I like the one piece better!”.

She asked OP if she thought she looked fat in the bikini, and OP said “No, I just like the other one better.”

She started to act super triggered and kept accusing OP of thinking she was fat and OP told her to get lost and wear whatever she wanted.

OP Snapped

Overweight lady crying in front of mirror upset about appearance, insecurities.
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OP’s friend put on the one piece and kept making snarky comments about how OP thinks she’s fat and OP would ignore her but she kept taunting her with comments so OP just snapped and said “Yeah you shouldn’t wear a bikini because it doesn’t look good on you, happy now? Is that what you wanted me to say so badly?”

The Chaos Continues

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OP’s friend just started packing her bags and went somewhere, OP hasn’t heard from her since. OP heard from our mutual friend Allie that she’s safe. She just went to a hotel and re-booked her flight.

What Does OP Say?

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“But Allie told me that apparently my friend told her that I called her fat and Allie says I could’ve handled the situation better even when I told her the real story. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.

She Knew It Didn’t Look Good On Her

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“Not the jerk. She knew the bikini looked terrible on her. She just wanted you to convince her it didn’t and when you refused, she pitched a fit. Her body issues are hers to deal with.”

Everyone’s In The Wrong

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“The fact that people think fat people should hide in shame is the real problem.

Oh no, the friend is not depressed anymore, but she’s not skinny, so she shouldn’t wear a two-piece because she’s fat now and it wouldn’t ‘look good’.

Everyone’s in the wrong. The friend probably felt disdain from OP for their new body and was defensive, and OP still has a truckload of fat phobia to deconstruct.”

She Wanted Your ‘Fake’ Opinion

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“Not the jerk! She was totally looking for you to say she isn’t fat, doesn’t look fat, and convince her that the bikini was the best option. She kind of wanted your ‘fake’ opinion. She kept at it and got the real answer she was also looking for.”

You Both Messed Up!

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“Everyone’s in the wrong. Your friend is obviously insecure. She shouldn’t have been passive-aggressive, but you shouldn’t have snapped and made her feel worse. Also, the comment about ‘she used to be skinny like me’ isn’t a good look. Seemed unnecessary and vain.”

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