Is it wrong to take a stand for what you feel is right and dare to call a spade a spade?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my friend that his wife was right to leave him after he lost his job?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.
Backstory
For the record, “Mark” and his wife are couple friends of Original Poster, OP (F32) and her GF (F29).
About a year ago, Mark lost his job and hasn’t been able to find a new one until about a month ago. OP gets the impression this job is not as lucrative as his previous job – but she’s not sure.
What Happened When They Went Out Drinking
About three months ago, Mark’s wife left him. They have two kids, two and four. Anyway, OP, her GF, Mark and a few other friends went out drinking.
He started by complaining his wife was a jerk because she left him because he was unemployed.
OP knows his wife wanted him to stop looking for FT jobs, and only look for jobs he can do from home – and they keep the two-year-old home from daycare to save money.
OP’s Stance On The Issue
OP told Mark that his wife probably left him because he hasn’t been doing his fair share in the house. His wife has been making jokes for ages about him “living like a teenager” until he has to pick up the kids at four (he then takes care of them until mom comes home/ they go to bed).
OP also knows Mark’s wife has been wanting to get rid of their cleaner until he finds a job.
According To Mark
He said she just lost respect for him because he wasn’t bringing in any money, and the rest was just excuses, they ended up having a fight.
Everybody Else’s Thoughts
OP’s GF thinks that OP was a jerk for getting involved + they really don’t know all the details.
OP says, “The friends are split, some say it’s true, women always leave men when they stop providing and I wouldn’t understand because I’m in a same gender relationship.
Others think I was right, but I shouldn’t have gotten so involved in their relationship + it ruined the night out. I think Mark needed a reality check. Thoughts? Am I a jerk?”
He Did Need A Reality Check
“Okay, let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly…
The wife was working full time and he was at home all day for an entire year? Despite him being at home during this time, he still didn’t help out with parenting or housekeeping, demanded that the children go to daycare and that they continue to pay for a house cleaner.
In other words, he was contributing literally nothing to the household (not financially, not paternally, and not domestically)… and he then blames his wife for leaving him and tries to paint her as shallow?
Assuming that my understanding is correct, you’re not the jerk.
That guy needs a MASSIVE reality check.”
It’s The Consequence Of His Inaction
“His wife literally has been talking openly about the reasons she would leave him for almost a year.
He wasn’t pulling his weight in the relationship, parenting duties, and care tasks and her leaving is the consequence of his inaction.”
He Shouldn’t Have Searched For Sympathy Points
“Not the jerk. For the ‘you shouldn’t get involved’ maybe he shouldn’t be searching for sympathy points after being lazy.
You Did The Right Thing
“Not the jerk. May be an unpopular opinion. You stated they are both your friends. One friend was trashing your other friend, you felt he was being unfair and stated so. You did pick a side. Not saying anything would have been picking his side. That’s obviously not how you feel.”
He’s One Of Those Men Who Keep Complaining
“Men like that always complain that ‘she left out of the blue’ when she probably spent a year coming to the realisation that she was parenting a grown man who didn’t do anything to enrich her life in any way. I get that finding a job can be hard but a whole year? Not the jerk.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.