There are always two ways to break it to someone that they’re in the wrong. If you choose the wrong way, chances are, things are going to become even more complicated.

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my daughter that life doesn’t stop for others because hers isn’t going well?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.


Girl looking desperate about angry mother. Mother shouting to unhappy daughter.
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The Original Poster (OP) has 3 kids, and her daughter (27F) hasn’t had the best luck in her romantic life. She’s gotten cheated on many times, and her previous relationship was unhealthy. OP also believes she’s in a toxic relationship with her current boyfriend.

“My nieces and nephews, along with my other kids are all happily married, some are even starting their own families”, says OP.

What Happened Recently

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It was OP’s sister’s birthday recently, she and her husband had planned a trip for the family. She helped with expenses if needed but for the most part, everyone paid for themselves.

OP’s daughter was the only one going by herself.

The Third Wheeler

Problems between generations concept. Teen closed his ears with his hands while her mom yells at her.
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They did things as a family, but sometimes they split up to do something with just their partners. So, sometimes OP’s daughter was by herself or basically being a third wheel.

At The End

Caucasian mother and preteen daughter arguing while setting on bed an master bedroom
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At the end of the trip, OP’s daughter complained to OP how she hated going on the trip. She felt like it was a cruel joke that she was there by herself and that the others should not have shown affection to their partners when she was around.

“This is not the first time she complained about something like this; she’s done it after holidays and birthdays as well.”, says OP.

OP’s Response To Her Complains

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OP admits she’s tired of her daughter complaining about all this. So, OP told her that just because her life isn’t going well doesn’t mean others will stop living theirs.

What Next?

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“She hasn’t talked to me since, and that was almost two weeks ago. My husband is on my side but I’m worried I’ll lose my daughter. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.

Everyone’s In The Wrong

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“Everyone’s in the wrong. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for her demanding people not showing any affection for each other in her presence, and a lot of what you say is valid. However, I don’t understand how, on a family vacation, all the couples are going off and leaving her all on her own.

That sounds weird, and I can empathize with how sad it is to watch everyone else be stable and happy when that’s not at all available to you. You could acknowledge the validity of her feelings while encouraging her to accept the right of others to be happy.”

Having Fun Is A Choice

Middle age blonde woman wearing winter sweater over isolated background afraid and shocked with surprise expression, fear and excited face.
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“Not the jerk. Having fun is a choice. If I were in her shoes, I would have found something fun to do on my own while the couples were out (I’m 32, and I’ve been single for 5 years, all my friends are in relationships or married, you learn to have fun anyway, and learn to be your own best friend!).

I don’t think what you said was cruel…it sounded like a truth she didn’t want to hear. Hopefully, she will go to therapy someday (not saying there’s anything wrong with her – just that EVERYONE should go to therapy, and I started going around her age and it helped my ‘attitude’ towards everything).”

She Needs To Grow Up

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“Not the jerk. At some point, we all need to recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around us, and we need to celebrate the happiness of our loved ones. Of course, it can be difficult, but she needs to grow up.”

Really On The Fence

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“Ugh. Really on the fence. But I’ll say she probably has gone through so many toxic relationships because she is from a family where everyone is paired up and feels pressured to find a partner as you need a partner to ‘fit in’ the family and settle for anyone.”

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