In the pursuit of higher education, graduate students face numerous challenges, but what happens when a heartless act by a partner threatens to derail their dreams?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for kicking my girlfriend out in the middle of her capstone project for graduate school, jeopardizing the future of her degree?”. We need your verdict on the matter.
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (21M) is a twin. He calls his brother Matthew for anonymity’s sake.
OP says, “To get ahead of some of the most commonly asked questions – We’re identical. We do things in sync sometimes, but I don’t know if it’s any more common than two people who just spend a lot of time together and adopt each other’s mannerisms. I would absolutely say that the twin intuition thing is real.”
What About The Other Two Siblings?
They have two older brothers and OP loves them, but he’s not as close to them as he is to Matthew. OP and Mathew have never been away from each other for longer than maybe three days.
They don’t technically live together but they stay in the same apartment building for college and often just fall asleep at each other’s places.
A Bit About OP’s Relationship
OP and his girlfriend (24F) have been long-distance for basically their entire relationship. OP is busy with school, and the music he and Matthew work on together. She lives about two hours away and is busy with her job and her grad program.
The Current Scenario
OP further explains the scenario, saying, “To make a long, somewhat confusing explanation short, she’s staying with me for the summer, working shorter hours remotely while she fulfills an in-person grad school requirement at the university I currently attend. Most of her grad program has been online; this section is not.”
The Problem
It’s OP’s girlfriend’s capstone project and doing it during the summer basically means she’s doing it in double time so she really has to buckle down and work. OP gets that. Still, the way she’s been treating OP’s brother isn’t cool with him.
OP says, “She often rolls her eyes and shuts herself in our guest bedroom when she comes home and sees that he’s over. We smoke together and mess around on guitars while we work on music, things she used to be fond of but now seems to hate.”
When Did The Final Straw Come?
The final straw came last week when OP got a phone call while he was out, of her freaking out. She had refused to let OP’s brother in the apartment, so he used the key OP had given him, and she lost it.
She said her boundaries weren’t being respected and that OP needed to kick him out. Instead, OP told her she needs to leave.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “She’s furious, saying she can’t find somewhere else to stay on such short notice and I am messing up the most important class of her life, saying I’m too codependent on my brother, and that I should have never told her she could stay when I knew she needed to work and I wasn’t allowing her to do so. Am I a jerk?”
Both Of You Are Jerks
“Brother has no need to be in your apartment when you are not there, and you two can easily jam in his apartment to give her some privacy. You and your brother are jerks.”
The Relationship’s Over!
“The two of you are spending your time messing around, and she’s trying to work. Then someone who doesn’t live there used a key to get into the apartment when he wasn’t wanted? Nope. The relationship’s over.”
The Damage Is Done
“You’re the jerk and so is your brother. He has no business being over at your place with her when you’re not there.
Grad school is very stressful, it’s only for one term, she needs study time, and all the smoking and rocking out has to be distracting at best: why can’t that happen at bro’s apartment since you live in the same building?
Dumping someone in the middle of a term, especially one this important, and making them homeless in the process, is like sending a Dear John letter to a soldier deployed in a war zone. You can’t come back from this.”
You Made A Commitment, Didn’t You?
“You made a commitment to your girlfriend to live with you for the summer. It’s mid-July so I assume only 6-7 more weeks. Let it happen! Go stay at your brother’s place & let your girlfriend finish her class.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.